


The Birds, The Bees, The Flowers and The Trees

by Sevfan



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Drama, Explicit Language, Multi, Romance, Sexual Content
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2004-08-08
Updated: 2004-08-27
Packaged: 2018-10-01 00:31:51
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 26,101
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10176443
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sevfan/pseuds/Sevfan
Summary: Claire Beckwith is the youngest person ever to teach at Hogwarts. She gets more than she bargained for when she develops certain feelings for one of the students. Come peek into her personal diary. 7th year.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Note from SeparatriX, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [HP Fandom](http://fanlore.org/wiki/HP_Fandom_\(archive\)), which was closed for health and financial reasons. To preserve the archive, I began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in August 2016. I e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [HP Fandom collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/hpfandom/profile).

Disclaimer: I don’t own any of the Harry Potter characters –we all know who they do belong to. I have just borrowed them for a little while.

Chapter 1  
The Private Diary of Claire Beckwith

July 20   
I did something today that surprised even me. I applied for a new job – a teaching job. Can you believe it? Me – a teacher? I won’t know for awhile if I am in fact a teacher. I sent in my Curriculum Vitae but I will have to wait and see if they call me in for an interview. 

It all started last week. I was reading the Daily Prophet and one of the ‘Help Wanted’ adverts caught my eye. I really don’t know why I was reading them; after all, I wasn’t searching for a new job. They were looking for a new Herbology professor at Hogwarts. I certainly have the Herbology qualifications, but the teaching part, well, that I don’t have. I pushed the thought out of my head and went back to my weeding. Somehow, the idea lingered.

Which brings me to today – Madam Wilburn was really on my case. I swear, she has never liked me from the day Mr. Wilburn hired me as groundskeeper and gardener. She doesn’t like the way I do things, she says. She had that snooty tone she always gets. When I told her that that was the way we do it back home in Canada, she says “well, missy, you’re not in Canada so you’ll do things my way from now on.” Silly cow! Perhaps she thinks I am after her husband. What would I want with an old codger like him? I have my Trevor and he is more than enough for me! She is the reason why I sent in my application – I can’t stand working for the old bat anymore. She’d be right pissed off if she knew I borrowed her owl to send in my application. Ha! What she doesn’t know won’t hurt her. I’ll be keeping my fingers crossed! 

July 22  
Today is my 22nd birthday. Mr. Wilburn gave me the day off, which was very nice of him. I’m sure she wasn’t too pleased. Trevor and I had a lovely time together. We went to Diagon Alley and spent the day looking around the shops. He bought me a pretty necklace, one that I had admired in a shop window. It would have been nice if he had picked out something by himself and had surprised me with it, but I guess I shouldn’t complain. He is very sweet. We had supper at a sidewalk café. Yes, it was a nice day.

July 26  
I can’t believe it! I am going for an interview at Hogwarts. I was down in the pumpkin patch when the owl arrived. Dropped the letter right in my lap, it did. When I saw the Hogwarts seal, I was sure it was a rejection letter, but it wasn’t! I have to present myself at the school the day after tomorrow. I am a nervous wreck. I haven’t told anyone but you, dear Diary, not even Trevor. I don’t want to jinx my chances. 

July 28  
Well, I had my interview and to honest with you, I’m not really sure how it went. The Headmaster was really nice. He kept offering me lemon drops from a little paper bag. It seems that if I get the job, I would be replacing the current professor who has decided to retire. I think Professor Sprout (she’s the one retiring) liked me. The first thing she did was look at my hands - I guess she wanted to see if I really did work in the gardens. Fortunately, my fingernails were suitably grubby. You can always tell a gardener by the state of their hands. I was also able to answer all of the questions she fired at me. I showed them both that I really know my stuff. Like I said before, my lack of teaching experience will be my downfall. I tried very hard to give the impression that I knew what I was talking about for that part of the interview as well. I don’t know if Professor Dumbledore bought my act or not. Time will tell. I really do hope I get the job. I got a very good feeling while I was there. 

This is the part I hate about going for interviews – the waiting. 

August 4   
Oh my gods! I did it! I got the job! I can’t believe it! The letter came by owl this afternoon. I was once again sure it was one of those thank -you -very -much -for -your- interest- but … kind of letters. It turns out they chose me. Imagine that, I Claire Beckwith, am going to be a teacher! I naturally sent the owl back with my reply – yes!

Headmaster Dumbledore said in his letter that I am the youngest person ever to hold a teaching position at Hogwarts. Wow! I can see the headline in the Daily Prophet now – “Claire Beckwith, 22, Youngest Teacher of All Time at Hogwarts”. Ha, ha. If only Mum and Dad were still alive, they’d be proud for sure.

I have to report to the school the last week of August. Professor Sprout wants to personally train me. I can’t wait to tell the old biddy I’m leaving.

August 6   
I handed in my notice this morning. He was quite upset; she was not. She just looked down her nose at me, as if she had expected this all along. Mr. Wilburn tried his best to get me to change his mind, but I obviously did not. I would be loony to turn down this offer. Madam Wilburn looked quite relieved when I declined. Cow!

August 7  
My boyfriend is a complete and utter wanker! He blew up when I told him my good news. He forbade me to go. Did you ever? Who in the name of Merlin does he think he is? Even my dear old dad would never have said such a thing. He would have said ‘good on ya Claire’. It was all I could do to keep my hand off my wand. I wanted to curse his ass so badly. Perhaps he’ll come around.

August 14  
It is over. Trevor and I are no more. He still doesn’t want me to go to Hogwarts. I tried everything to make him see reason but to no avail. I thought he loved me – it is quite clear he doesn’t. We had a huge row. It ended when I told him to get stuffed and fuck off. He said ‘same to you lady’ and that was that. I have had it with men, especially young ones. Hmm, perhaps I should have gone after Mr. Wilburn after all…

August 20  
The Wilburns have found a replacement for me. He is coming in tomorrow and I am going to show him the ropes. I am going to miss this place, if only for the gardens. They are spectacular. I have never seen a more beautiful private collection and I must say that I kept it up well in the year and a half that I have been here. I hope this wizard they have hired knows his stuff. I would hate to think of all the hard work I put in here going down the tubes. 

August 21  
The wizard does know his stuff. Alan Pennywise is his name and I must say that I am impressed. I don’t have to worry about my babies; he will look after them as well as I did. 

August 22  
I took the afternoon off to go shopping. I went to Diagon Alley to by some suitable teaching clothes. I also needed to get some robes since it seems that they are mandatory. I found some at Madam Malkin’s that weren’t too expensive. It was funny to see my reflection in the mirror. It didn’t look like me. I still can’t believe it. I am the Herbology professor at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. I can’t wait to start.

August 24  
Today was my last day with the Wilburns. I said goodbye to them both. The old biddy was just as cold as she ever was. I don’t know why I thought she might act otherwise. He did look sad to see me go. I collected my things and left. I was quite surprised to find an extra ten Galleons in my last pay packet. I am sure that it was Mr. Wilburn’s doing. She would have been ripping mad if she had known. Thanks Mr. Wilburn, the extra dosh will come in handy.

I arrived at Hogwarts and was greeted by Dobby the house-elf. Curious creatures they are. We were never rich enough to have one when I was growing up. He seemed to be a likable little sort, always eager to please. He showed me to my rooms and then took me to meet the Headmaster in his office. 

Professor Dumbledore did make me feel very welcome. He introduced me to his assistant, Professor McGonagall. She seems nice enough, if not a little severe. I am sure we’ll warm up to one another. I was given the course outlines to study, one for each level. I glanced quickly through them and found them to be easy. Nothing there I can’t handle. Whew! 

At supper, the Headmaster introduced me to the other teachers and staff members. Everyone seems to be friendly enough, except for one rather sinister looking fellow. Professor Snape, I believe is his name and he teaches Potions. He doesn’t seem to be the welcoming type at all. I’ll try to give him a wide berth. 

August 25  
It felt so good to sleep in my own quarters last night. I have my own space. I even have my own office. Well, it will soon be my office, once Professor Sprout leaves. We spent the whole day going through all of her specimens. It is quite an impressive collection. I am anxious to share my knowledge with the students. They will be arriving soon, on September first. 

August 31  
It has been quite the week. Professor Sprout left today, satisfied she had shown me all there was to show. She gave me a very nice complement – she said she could retire in peace knowing that she was leaving her life’s work in good hands. She seemed both happy and sad to leave. I guess that is natural after you have given so many years of your life to a job such as this. Who knows, maybe I’ll be in the same position many years from now, taking my leave from the young whippersnapper replacing me. 

The students arrive tomorrow. I am scared shitless. 

September 1  
What a day! I had never experienced school life such as it is here at Hogwarts. The little school I went to back home pales by comparison. There are so many students. I was very nervous as I made my way to the head table in the Great Hall. Most of then older students were already seated. Needless to say I received many stares from them as I walked by. I know what they are thinking- who is this kid at the teachers’ table? I have to admit that I don’t look older than a lot of them. It is kind of freaky. A kid teaching kids; I’m not a kid though. I have to make sure that they know that as well.

Headmaster Dumbledore introduced me to the whole school. I have mixed feelings about what he said. He told them about me being the youngest teacher and I’m not sure that was wise. Am I going to be able to control them? Will they respect me as they respect the older teachers? I’ll have to make sure they know I am in charge, even if I am young. Classes start tomorrow. My first session is with the first years. I think they are a good way to start since they’ll be too scared to cause any trouble. I saw them today as they were sorted into their Houses. They look as scared as I feel. 

September 2  
My first day went very well, thank Merlin. The little kiddies were no problem at all, just as I expected. This afternoon I had second years in for a lesson on Mandrakes. That went well too, even though they were a little nervous about the chubby little blighters. I have always found Mandrakes to be rather amusing. Tomorrow I have my first class with the seventh years. I hope I don’t have any trouble makers in the bunch.

September 3  
An unusual day to say the least! I was waiting for the students to arrive, standing next to the Ruglia Vines when I lost my earring. I didn’t have my wand with me so I dropped down to my knees and started routing through the vines trying to find the missing earring. There I was with my ass sticking up in the air when I saw a pair of feet standing next to me. I looked up into the greenest pair of eyes I have ever seen in my life! The boy asked if he could help me, so I told him what I was looking for. He got right down on his knees beside me and actually found my earring. I thanked him and asked him his name. It was Harry Potter. The Harry Potter I had read about so many times in the Daily Prophet except he was different. He had grown, and quite nicely I might add. He helped me to my feet just as the rest of the students arrived. Such a nice lad! 

In contrast to Harry, there is another student who is not so nice and polite. His name is Draco Malfoy. He kept making snide comments all through my lecture so I finally tossed him out, gave him detention and deducted 10 points from Slytherin on his behalf. I had been warned by Professor Sprout to watch out for the Slytherin students. It seems they are the rotten apples of the bunch. Based on my first encounter with them, I tend to agree with her assessment. Gotta keep my eye on them. 

September 25  
Things have been going very well. Sorry I haven’t written anything in quite awhile, dear Diary, for I have been too busy. I am really enjoying teaching. I think this was the best move I ever made. The students seem to like me. Maybe they feel comfortable with me because I am not that much older than they are. Who knows what the reason may be, I am just glad we are getting along so well.

Surprisingly, I am enjoying the older students more than I thought I would. As long as I keep my eye on Malfoy, the classes go along wonderfully. Harry Potter has two close friends; Ron Weasley and Hermione Granger. The three of them are always together. I find myself looking forward to spending time with the trio. Hermione is a very intelligent young woman and I love to get into discussions with her on all kinds of topics. Ron is a very pleasant chap and always seems to be in a good mood. And Harry, well… I shouldn’t say what I think about him!


	2. Chapter 2

  
Author's notes: Claire Beckwith is the youngest person ever to teach at Hogwarts. She gets more than she bargained for when she develops certain feelings for one of the students. Come peek into her personal diary. 7th year.  
General

* * *

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the Harry Potter characters. They have only been borrowed for a little while.

October 15  
I had a meeting with the Headmaster today. Thank Merlin he is very happy with my work! He said he has gotten some very positive feedback from the students about me. Bless their hearts! I have been so afraid that Professor Dumbledore would discover that I was a fraud and chuck me out on my ass. Seems I am a teacher after all. Who would have ever thought it! I still can’t get used to the kids calling me Professor Beckwith. Sometimes when I am with Harry, Ron and Hermione, I want to say ‘call me Claire’ but I know I can’t do that. It wouldn’t be proper. 

October 31  
There was a lovely feast tonight. So much food and every kind of goody you could imagine! Hogwarts sure knows how to do up a holiday right. Everyone had a marvelous time, including all of the staff. Even Snape seemed to be in good mood. I overheard Ron and Harry talking about him the other day. Do you know what they call him? An overgrown bat or the greasy git! Isn’t that awful? I have to say, however, the names seem to fit perfectly. I am so bad! I shouldn’t agree. I should have some respect for my colleague. 

Hey, I wonder what they call me? 

November 3  
I went to my first Quidditch match this afternoon. I wasn’t going to go but the ‘Trio’ (as I like to call Harry, Ron and Hermione) begged me to come with them. When I said I had never seen a match and didn’t know the first thing about it, Harry said ‘no problem, Professor, I’ll explain it all to you’. 

We found some seats and sat down to watch the play. Harry was very attentive and explained everything in great detail. I could tell he is passionate about his Quidditch. He sure has an eagle eye! I couldn’t see the Snitch at all until he put his arm around my shoulder and pointed me in the right direction. His arm seemed to stay there a little longer than necessary. I did not mind. 

When Ravenclaw beat Slytherin, we all jumped to our feet and yelled madly. Harry hugged me in the heat of the celebrations. Again I did not mind. Those green eyes…

I think I love Quidditch.

November 14  
I went to watch Quidditch practice this afternoon. Specifically, I went to watch Gryffindor practice. It was the first time that I had seen Ron and Harry play. Ron is quite the accomplished Keeper. Hermione was sitting with me in the stands and explained that it had not always been so. Ron had gotten off to a rocky start. He had won the Quidditch cup for his team and ever since then he had found his confidence and his skill. And Harry, I inquired? Hermione told me that he had always been good. Harry had been the youngest Seeker in over a century. Hey, we have something in common!

Harry flew over to talk to us during a break in the action. He, like Ron, always seems to be in a good mood. He makes me smile. 

I couldn’t help notice his thighs as he hovered before us. All those years gripping onto that broomstick have done wonders for those muscles! Oh Merlin…

I definitely love Quidditch!

December 5  
Went to Quidditch again today. Gryffindor beat Hufflepuff and what a game it was! It is obvious even to a novice such as me that Gryffindor is way and above the superior team. Ron played quite the game- didn’t let the Hufflepuffs score once. Of course, my favorite Seeker caught the Snitch. Excellent!

During the match Hermione confided in me that she and Ron have started seeing one another. I was not in the least surprised. I could see that they had feelings for one another from the first day I met them. They make a sweet couple and Hermione was thrilled when I told her just that. After the match was over, Hermione insisted that we go down to the locker room to congratulate the team. I was going to leave but she begged me to come. Perhaps she was a little shy to go there alone? I agreed reluctantly. She knocked loudly on the door and asked permission to enter. A voice asked us to wait a sec and then Ron opened the door and invited us in. He gave Hermione a shy kiss, blushing when it was over. Very sweet! Ah, young love!

I felt a little uncomfortable being there, what with me being a teacher and all. I offered my congratulations to the team and was just about to leave when Harry came out from the back. He had just come from the shower and obviously did not realize that there were women in the locker room because he was wearing only a towel. A very low-slung towel. He was drying his hair with another towel and didn’t notice us right away. Ron said ‘Harry, mate. We have company, female company’. The look on Harry’s face was priceless! I think I was just as red as he was! Needless to say, it was at that point that I left.

I can’t sleep. I have been lying in bed for hours now but the only thing I can think about, the only thing in my mind is that image of Harry, clad only in a towel. Every time I close my eyes, there he is, staring at me with those luscious green eyes of his. The image is so clear; it is as if I have taken a photograph. His hair is sexily tousled by the towel. I never knew he was so well muscled. Those bloody school robes cover up way too much! His arms and shoulders are perfect – well defined but not too large. His stomach is so flat…the towel is hanging so dangerously low about his slim hips. I could just see a few wisps of black hair peaking out…oh Merlin!

Dear Diary, I think I have a problem. 

December 10  
This is madness! I can’t stop thinking about him. I feel like a perv – lusting after a school boy. But he is no ordinary school boy. I mean, it’s not like I’m 50 years old and he is only 14. There is only 5 years between us. He is 17 and therefore is an adult. Bloody hell – I am trying to justify my wickedness. The facts are irrefutable: he is a student and I am his teacher, therefore, nothing but nothing must come of my feelings. How could I even think about putting my job at risk for a quick shag? Can you imagine the humiliation? Fired for having carnal knowledge of a student! My face is red at the very thought. I have to try harder to put an end to these ideas, once and for all. 

Fantasies be gone! Oh, but I am addicted to you…you are too numerous, you are too hot!

You and I were alone that day in the locker room, the towel was not so well tied about your waist… 

You and I on your Firebolt high above the Quidditch pitch…dangerous but exhilarating… 

You under my desk…

You and I on my desk… 

You and I in the potting shed…Merlin, what we did to each other! 

Excuse me, dear Diary, I have to go…NOW!

December 13  
Okay, I have decided that there is no harm in my little fantasies. They are mine and not his, so I don’t have to worry about anything more coming of them. I can and will control myself. This is all one-sided so there’s no danger; they are just harmless little daydreams. The attraction will wear off soon enough and then everything will be back to normal. 

December 16  
Honestly, I don’t know what gets into teenage boys sometimes! Ron and Harry were acting the fool in my class today. I asked them very politely, ’Mr. Potter and Mr. Weasley, if you would be so kind to settle down’; they replied ‘Yes Miss, sorry Miss’ but it wasn’t long before they had started up again. I had no choice but to give them detention. They are to report to me tomorrow night in the greenhouse. I think it could use a good cleaning, sans wands naturally. 

December 17  
Dear Diary, here I am unable to sleep again. The detention did not go as planned. Promptly at 7:00, there was a knock on the greenhouse door. I turned to see Harry standing there, but only Harry. I inquired as to the whereabouts of Ron, only to find out he was sick. I was a little skeptical, sounded like some skiving off to me. Harry assured me that it was true and Ron was in the infirmary as we spoke. Bloody hell! I would never have given Harry detention alone, but I had no choice, since he was standing there before me. I instructed him on what to do and left him to it. I would have left all together but I had to prepare the plants for tomorrow’s lesson, so I couldn’t leave. We worked silently, he at one end of the greenhouse, me at the other. Everything would have been fine, if only I wasn’t so bloody clumsy.

I was carrying a rather large tray of Whistling Whip Weed over to the door. I couldn’t really see where I was going and before I knew it, my foot got tangled in a hose, tripping me up. Down I went, taking a stack of empty wooden trays with me. Harry was by my side in an instant, asking if I was okay, as he removed the trays from on top of me. I felt rather foolish, I must say. I told him I was fine and went to stand up, taking the hand he extended in my direction. My foot gave way and he caught me before I fell. He carried me over to the table and set me down gently. He removed my shoe and ran his hands over my ankle and down my foot. When he tried to move it, a searing pain shot up my leg. ‘I think it is sprained, Professor’ he said. ‘I’ll take you to see Madam Pomfrey.’ He then did something that sent shivers down my spine. He looked at me, smiled and reached over and caressed my cheek. Merlin, his hand was so gentle! He said I had a smudge of dirt just under my eye, as he brushed it away. He lingered for a brief moment longer and then scooped me up in his arms…those strong, gorgeous arms. I protested, saying that I could hop to the infirmary, but he wouldn’t listen. He said it would be faster this way. It had begun to snow and he pulled me closer to him in an attempt to keep me warm. Merlin, help me, I could have stayed there forever!

Madam Pomfrey fixed me up in jiffy and my ankle is fine once again. I thanked Harry for his help and walked back here to my room, completely upside down. I can’t stop thinking about him and those incredible arms of his…so now you know why I can’t sleep. 

P.S. Ron was in the infirmary and he did look rather green around the gills.


	3. Chapter 3

  
Author's notes: Claire Beckwith is the youngest person ever to teach at Hogwarts. She gets more than she bargained for when she develops certain feelings for one of the students. Come peek into her personal diary. 7th year. General 

* * *

Disclaimer: As usual, I must say that I don’t own any of the characters, just having a little fun with them, that’s all!

December 25  
Christmas day was lovely, just lovely! All of the staff members were there and about 10 students. Harry was one of the ten. I must say I was surprised to find out that he stayed at school over the holidays. I was sure that he would be spending it with Ron and his family. It seems that he always has spent Christmas at school. I wonder why? 

We all ate like pigs. Who could resist such delicious fare? After supper, Harry and I played Wizard’s Chess. He slaughtered me 2 matches to 4! I had an excuse, which he didn’t buy, I might add. It has been many years since I played; since my dad died. I asked for a rematch. Harry laughingly accepted. 

It had become quite late and we decided to call it a night. As we left the Great Hall, Harry suddenly said ‘wait!’. I turned back to him and asked what was wrong. He didn’t say a word, he just grinned and pointed upwards. My eyes followed his finger up and what do you think I found? The biggest bunch of mistletoe I have ever seen in my life! He stood there, still grinning and beckoned me with his finger. My legs seemed to have a mind of their own and I found myself standing before him, very close before him! I couldn’t speak. I just stood there like an idiot! Finally Harry said, ‘I think you owe me something, Professor.’ 

Believe me dear Diary, I have never had such a hard time in my life! It was all I could do not to throw myself at him and shove my tongue down his throat. He stood there waiting, still grinning, with those green eyes of his twinkling devilishly. I did the only thing I could do – I leaned up and pecked him very chastely and teacher-like on the cheek. I smiled weakly and turned to walk away. He grabbed my arm and pulled me back! He had stopped smiling. He said, ‘I owe you too, Professor’. He stared at me briefly, and then with his eyes half closed he leaned in. He kissed me ever so softly, just at the side of my mouth. As he pulled away, he let his lips barely graze mine. He whispered goodnight and he walked away. 

Oh my gods! 

P.S. That mistletoe was definitely not there earlier in the day. I am sure of it. 

December 26  
Dear Diary, I am beside myself! I don’t know what to make of yesterday evening’s events. As I said, the mistletoe was not there earlier in the day so that means Harry put it there. Why? Has he picked up on some vibes from me? I thought I was keeping my feelings very well hidden but maybe I haven’t been doing a very good job. Does he realize that I want him? Has he decided to tease me, to get back at me for being a pervy teacher? Merlin, I wish I knew what was going on in that head of his. Maybe I don’t want to know; perhaps I wouldn’t like what I saw. 

I have to get this thing under control…for my own good. 

Here I am back again for the second time today. I was a little scared to see Harry today – didn’t know what he would say. Turns out he said nothing about ‘it’ at all. He was as always, just dear, sweet Harry. Dear, sweet Harry beat me again at Wizard’s Chess, 4-0. My mind was not on my game, obviously! 

Something just occurred to me. What if Harry was and is waiting for me to reprimand him for making advances to a teacher? I am such a git sometimes! I should have told him off, gently of course, right afterwards. Should have told him that it was inappropriate. Too late now! I don’t want to bring the subject up with him. Let sleeping dogs lie. I wish the rest of the students were back so that things can get back to normal.

January 5   
Thank Merlin classes have started once again and I can bury myself in my work. There has been no sign of anymore from him. Good! 

January 9  
Went to a Quidditch match again this afternoon, even though I swore I wouldn’t ever go again. The ‘Trio’ begged and cajoled until I finally gave in. I made sure that I sat next to Hermione. I was glad that I did attend. It was a good match and I guess I have to say that I really do enjoy the game for itself and not just for the ‘player’. 

It was a little on the chilly side today, so after about 30 minutes Harry got up to fetch us all some hot cocoa. He came back with 4 cups and gave us each one. He stood over me and said ‘here you go, Professor’ and extended the cocoa in my direction. I looked up at him and he just stared back, the slightest grin crossing his lips. He had the strangest look in his eyes, a look that shook me up pretty good. Instead of returning to his seat beside Ron, he plopped himself down next to me instead! I don’t know if it was the cold (I expect it wasn’t) but I began to tremble. Harry noticed! He moved closer and muttered something about keeping me warm! 

He has to be teasing me, testing me. What other explanation can there be?

I swear to you, NO MORE QUIDDITCH! 

January 13  
I went on a fishing expedition of sorts today. Hermione came down to the greenhouse to give me a hand with the latest arrival of specimens. I asked her what she thought of me. She replied that she liked me very much. I thanked her and said the feeling was mutual. I then explained that since this was my first teaching assignment, I wanted to know how I was as a teacher. She laughed and said that I had nothing to worry about. I was excellent in the classroom. Thanks Hermione! I ventured a little further and inquired if she had ever heard any of the other students say anything about me, Ron or Harry, perhaps? She just said that everyone had pretty much the same opinion as she; I was definitely well liked, adding that I was very easy to talk to. I wanted very much to ask her straight out ‘what has Harry said about me?’ but I didn’t dare. I feel like I’m the one in school, like I’m the one with the school girl crush. Silly way for an adult to be acting! I am afraid that it isn’t just a crush, however.

So much for fishing! Didn’t get so much as a nibble! I better sell my rod and reel; I suck! 

January 25  
I have been successful in avoiding any extra-curricular activity with Harry. The students are overloaded with work and I am as well, so that doesn’t leave much room for anything else. It seems sometimes during class that he is staring at me, but I have never actually caught him at it. It is funny how sometimes you get a feeling that someone is watching you. I have been very careful not to do the same to him. It does happen sometimes that our eyes meet during the course of a lecture, but that happens with a lot of students, not just Harry. I always make sure that I move on quickly, even though I want to stay and get lost in his gaze. 

February 10  
Haven’t seen Harry outside of the classroom at all, and I guess I should be happy about that. I am not happy. I am quite miserable to be honest with you, my dear Diary. It isn’t fair! I thought whatever was going on in my head about him would be over by now. It is not. The fantasies are just as strong and even more vivid than before. I still think of him in that bloody towel even though it happened months ago. My heart beats faster just at the sight of him. Perhaps I should perform a selective memory charm and erase those thoughts from my mind. I would certainly sleep more peacefully at night if I did, but would I be able to do it? How could I banish such a delicious image to oblivion? An image that has brought me, along with a great amount of torment, a great amount of pleasure. How could I possibly erase the feeling of his lips against my cheek? Oh Harry… 

February 14  
Valentine’s Day…the day for lovers…the day to be depressed…

Headmaster Dumbledore asked me to go into Hogsmeade with the 3rd years, just to keep an eye on them. I didn’t have to stick with them; he just wanted me to be around in case any of them gets into a little trouble. It seems that this crop of 3rd years is a trifle immature and the probability of mischief was quite high. I didn’t mind. A day away from the school was a welcome change. The day didn’t turn out the way I expected.

I was strolling down the main street, or perhaps patrolling might be a better term. I had broken up a dispute between two girls and had sent them back to the school as punishment. They were none too happy with me! I watched them walk back down the street and satisfied that they had obeyed me, I turned to continue my way further into Hogsmeade. I crashed into someone. Mumbling my apologies, I looked up into green eyes! Harry! He just laughed, and said no harm was done. He inquired as to why I was in town- I replied that I was on school business as a chaperone. He looked strangely disappointed. He asked if I minded if he tagged along. He had been with Ron and Hermione, but he had decided not to be a third wheel. ‘A young couple in love doesn’t need someone tagging along behind them do they?’ he said. I put myself in Hermione’s place – I wouldn’t have wanted him there either! 

I reluctantly and happily agreed that he could stay with me. We walked all throughout Hogsmeade, stopping in all the shops, just to keep an eye on the kids. We talked and talked and walked and walked until it was time to return to Hogwarts for the evening. Harry helped me to round up the students; he has a knack for dealing with them, always patient and kind. It was also quite obvious that some of the girls had a major crush on him. He was very sweet to all of them. I heard two of the girls giggling and whispering about how dreamy Harry is. I concur with them 100%. 

Once back inside the school, he thanked me once again for letting him spend the afternoon with me. He hesitated briefly, and then put his hand on my upper arm. He began to speak, ‘I just wanted to say that I… ‘ A booming voice cut off his words, ‘Oi, Harry mate! You coming?’ It was Ron. Harry looked at him and then at me and called back that he would be right there. He sighed, said thanks and left. 

Bloody hell! What was it he was about to say? Talk about bad timing!


	4. Chapter 4

  
Author's notes: Claire Beckwith is the youngest person ever to teach at Hogwarts. She gets more than she bargained for when she develops certain feelings for one of the students. Come peek into her personal diary. 7th year.  
General

* * *

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the Harry Potter characters, sigh. Wouldn’t it be lovely if I did! 

Chapter 4

March 10  
OH MY GODS! I did something today, something I should never have done. I let Harry kiss me. Merlin help me, I was so weak…

After class, he stayed back while the others left. I heard him tell Ron and Hermione that he had some questions for me. After everyone else had gone, he turned to me and smiled, and asked if I minded going over a couple of things he didn’t understand. What else could I say? I am his teacher after all. He pulled out his notes and spread them out on the desk. He fired away, asking all kinds of things. He seemed different somehow – slightly nervous? I patiently answered all of his questions, even though there were a few of them he really didn’t need to ask. Was he stalling for time? He had also moved very close beside me. 

Soon, he ran out of things to say. I saw him swallow hard and then I felt his hand on the side of my face! It was trembling! He tilted my face up towards his and said very softly, ‘Claire, you are so beautiful.’ Before I could say anything, he leaned down and kissed me ever so gently! A battle began in my head. One side was screaming at me, don’t do it; this is wrong; stop! The other side was screaming right back, just as loudly, yes; at last; this is heaven!!! I felt his arms around my shoulders and the kiss deepened. My hands instinctively ran up his back and I felt him shiver. When I felt his tongue touch my own, it happened. The battle had been won in my head. 

I broke the kiss and pulled back. I just stood there, panting, looking into his bewildered face. The only word I could manage was ‘no’. He said he didn’t understand. I said, ‘I can’t do this, I’m your teacher. This isn’t right’. 

He ran his fingers through his hair, still not understanding. Then he said something that totally blew me away. Harry said, ‘I know you want me, Claire. I’ve known for a long time now. I want you too. I have since the first day I met you.’

Oh dear sweet Merlin! How can I say no to him? There I stood looking into those innocent green eyes, looking upon that gorgeous face and delicious body and I heard myself saying no once again. The woman side of my brain is screaming madly – are you insane? He has just admitted he has feelings for you. What the fuck are you doing saying no? Say yes! SAY YES, DAMN IT!

But it is the teacher side of my brain that is speaking and making the decisions for all of us. I hear my voice saying that I can’t, I mustn’t. We are teacher and student and it has to stay that way. We can’t do this. The tears well up in my eyes and the words are shaky as I say,’ Dear, sweet Harry, we can’t do this. I… I have to go.’ 

I turned and ran back here as fast as I could, not daring to look back. I have been crying for the past 4 hours. There are so many splotches on this page, I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to read what I wrote. I ask myself, why would you want to read about such a painful moment? 

I realize that I never admitted to Harry that he was right about my feelings toward him. Do you think he might figure he was mistaken and move on? Half of me (the teacher half I suppose) wants that to happen so I could have an easy solution to my predicament. If he goes off me, there will be no repeat of tonight’s kiss, and that would be that. The other half of me, the woman half, thinks it would be the worst thing that could possibly happen. 

I think I heard an expression once, that which doesn’t kill us makes us stronger. I don’t feel very strong right now. 

March 11  
What a rotter of a day! It started out in the staff room this morning before class. I guess I wasn’t my usual cheery self, and one of my colleagues noticed. Flitwick was well meaning I’m sure, but once he asked me what was wrong, everyone there sat up and took notice, waiting for my answer. What could I say? Hardly the truth! Could you imagine the uproar it would have caused if I had said, well you see, I’m in love with Harry Potter and I had to push him away last night because teachers are not allowed to shag the students, and that’s why I’m not in a good mood! 

Anyway, I just said that I was having a problem with one of the students. Minerva was nice and offered to help. I just said thanks, but I would handle it in my own way. Then Snape threw in his 2 Knuts worth and started tearing a strip off me. He said that it was my own fault if I was having student problems because I was too lenient with them and that I tried too hard to be their friend. He said that I could learn a lesson from him and try some of his methods. ‘A little intimidation goes a long way’, he said. Who does he think he is? Does he think I want the students to feel about me the same way they do about him? I think not! I’d rather die. I would have dearly loved to tell him to fuck off and leave me alone. I just gave him a fake smile and repeated that I would handle it my own way. Fucking greasy git!

As if that all wasn’t enough, there was a very awkward moment between Harry and me. Why did he and I have to arrive at the classroom door at the exact same moment? There we were, face to face, standing like a couple of idiots. I said ‘Good afternoon, Harry’; he said, ‘Good afternoon, Professor’ and motioned for me to enter first. His smile was gone, replaced by a look of such hurt! 

I know how he feels for my heart is broken, too. I am not allowed to show my pain. I have to keep it bottled up inside me. I can tell only you, my dear friend and confidant. Alas, you have no wise words of wisdom to offer me.

March 20  
Harry and I have both settled into a routine. We keep our distance from one another, only communicating when required in class. He seems to be better lately; I mean at least I have seen him smiling. Unfortunately, it is not directed towards me. He at least is able to enjoy his friends. I wonder if they know anything about what happened between us? I have a sneaking suspicion that they don’t because there has been no change in attitude from either Ron or Hermione. I’m glad of that! I don’t want them to think of me as a pervert, which I know I am not but I can’t help feeling like one. 

This is what I wanted, wasn’t it? That Harry should get over me? Perhaps if I keep saying it and writing it enough times, I’ll actually start to believe that this is what I want and be happy about it.

 

April 12  
Today is Easter Sunday. I had seriously considered leaving the school for the duration of the Easter break, but I decided against it. I can’t run away from my problems, can I? Leaving would not have solved anything. My absence would have been conspicuous as everyone knows that I have nowhere to go. They know that I have no family. I suppose that I could have made up some lame story about being invited by friends but I really can’t be bothered getting caught up in a lie. Once you start, you have to remember what you’ve said to whom and it ain’t easy not to slip up. Believe me, I know! I have done this only once in my life and I was found out. Liar is not one of my favorite nicknames. I swore I would never do it again.

We had a nice supper, as usual. It was attended by pretty much the same gang as was here for Christmas. So you know, dear Diary, that that means Harry was here. I couldn’t help but watch him whenever the opportunity presented itself. He does his best to be cheerful even though I know that he has a lot on his shoulders. He is a very patient and gentle young man. He spent the afternoon teaching one of the young lads, Brian Smythe, how to play Wizard’s chess. Harry would make a wonderful teacher. I don’t think it is something he has ever considered as a career. He never mentioned it to me. That was back in the ‘good old days’ when we were still friends. Sigh! His absence has left quite a large hole in my life and in my heart.


	5. Chapter 5

  
Author's notes: Claire Beckwith is the youngest person ever to teach at Hogwarts. She gets more than she bargained for when she develops certain feelings for one of the students. Come peek into her personal diary. 7th year.

* * *

Disclaimer: All of the Harry Potter characters belong to the wonderful J.K. Rowling, Warner Brothers and others who shall not be named. 

Chapter 5

May 16, 1998  
Dear Diary, you will notice that I have included the year along with today’s date. That is because today will go down in history as one of the most important dates of all time. On this day, Harry James Potter defeated the Dark Lord! Voldemort is no more; he is dead and destroyed forever. I can’t believe it! I suppose that when the rest of the Wizarding world finds out, no one else will believe it either. All I know is that our world is finally free from that monster, free from his terror and tyranny, thanks to Harry.

We were called to an emergency staff meeting this evening. Headmaster Dumbledore explained, very briefly, that there had been a final confrontation between the Order of the Phoenix and Voldemort. I’m not really sure how Harry came to be involved in the battle, but suffice it to say he was, and he was the one who dealt the final blow to Voldemort. Dumbledore said something about a prophecy which I didn’t quite catch. Undoubtedly all of the details will be released later on. Hopefully all of my questions will be answered then.

The Headmaster went on to say that Harry had been injured by the Death Eaters who were trying to avenge the death of their master, but had been rescued by Professor Snape. When I heard what had happened to Harry, I began to tremble. It was all I could do to keep from bursting into tears. I was about to ask if Harry was all right when Dumbledore assured us he would recover fully. He would be in St. Mungo’s for about a week. Thank Merlin!

Dumbledore told us to prepare ourselves for the onslaught of the curious that was bound to descend upon the school once the truth came out. He said he was counting upon us to maintain the secure and stable environment of Hogwarts for all of the students, Harry included. He adjourned the meeting saying he would keep us up to date.

I managed to pull the Headmaster aside and ask him if it would be possible for me to go to St. Mungo’s, even if it was just for a minute. He said he thought it would be better if I didn’t go; he patted my arm and said I would see Harry soon enough. I guess he is right. I am desperate to see with my own eyes that he is indeed okay.

Wow! What a day!

May 17  
The Headmaster made the announcement to the students at breakfast this morning. I have never heard such a cheer in all my life. Everyone was on their feet shouting and leaping with joy. He did not tell them that Harry had been injured; he just said that he would have to stay at the Ministry of Magic for a few days for debriefing. I wonder if Ron and Hermione know the truth.

Professor Snape returned this afternoon. We all stood up and applauded when he entered the staff room. He seemed to be a little uncomfortable by the fuss we were making. We all shook his hand and offered out personal congratulations. I really didn’t know what to say to him, so I just said ‘well done’. Simple but to the point. I guess there is more to the man than I thought. I take back all the ‘greasy gits’ that ever ran through my mind. 

Here I am back again. I ran into Ron and Hermione this evening. It seems they do know about Harry being injured. The Headmaster told them and asked them not to say anything. They also wanted to go to the hospital but were not allowed. If even his best mates couldn’t go, then I guess his teacher shouldn’t feel bad. We talked over what had happened, trying to make some sense out of it. We hugged and cried a lot, even Ron! 

May 24  
Harry came home today. Nobody knew he was coming. We were all I the Great Hall having lunch when the doors opened. I was speaking with Severus when I noticed that the Great Hall had gone strangely quiet. We both kind of realized at the same moment and turned to see what was happening. We were met with the most amazing sight! The students had stopping talking and were standing up, one by one. I remember thinking, ‘how strange’ until I saw the reason why this was happening. It was Harry! He had just walked in, very nonchalantly, and was making his way in to take his usual spot beside his two best friends. I felt as if my heart would explode in my chest; it was beating so fast! The Headmaster stood as well and began to applaud. We all joined in. Harry just stood there, drinking it all in. He looked somewhat embarrassed, but he must have realized that this was just the beginning of what was to be a period of adoration and adulation. It was natural; everyone is just so amazed with what he has done. It didn’t take him long to motion everyone to stop and sit back down. He smiled and said, ’Thanks everyone. It is good to be home’ and then he sat down and began to eat, as if it was just another day.

After lunch, just about the whole school lined up to shake his hand, myself and most of the other teachers included. When my turn came, I took his hand in mine and covered it with the other. I kissed his cheek and whispered in his ear, ‘Thank Merlin you’re safe, Harry. I am very proud of you’. He whispered back, ‘Thank you, Claire.’ And that I am – proud. 

May 28  
The Headmaster was right about what was to come. There have been so many people trying to get into Hogwarts, just for a brief glimpse of Harry. He is the celebrity of the hour. Professor Dumbledore had erected special wards around the school perimeter so that no one, except those who are allowed, can enter. It is certainly keeping the wolves at bay!

June 1  
Today was a very special day. There was a ceremony to honor all those who served in the fight against Voldemort. It was held at Hogwarts, out in the Quidditch stadium, in order to allow all of Harry’s classmates to attend. There was some hew and cry from the Ministry – they wanted to hold it in some huge stadium erected elsewhere just for that purpose but the Headmaster would not hear of it. He stood steadfast saying that the ceremony would be here or nowhere. I think that even Fudge himself has realized that he should not doubt Dumbledore’s word. It was obvious that he had a good reason for his request. So, that is how we came to find ourselves in the world’s eye today.

It was so sad when they read out all of the names of those who gave their lives to the cause. I never realized there were so many! Harry lost his parents and his godfather. He never even flinched when their names were read. I know he was putting on a brave face.

All of the members of the Order of the Phoenix received medals of bravery. Ron looked as if he would burst with pride when his parents were called up to receive theirs. Professor Snape received the Order of Merlin, an honor that was richly deserved. The whole story of his contribution has just come to light. If ever there was a man who has been more misjudged! It is truly amazing what he has done.

And then there was Harry. He received every honor that he Ministry of Magic could possibly bestow on him, including the Order of Merlin as well. He accepted the accolades with grace and humility, saying a simple ‘thank you’ and nothing more. I am sure that he is relieved that it is all over, at least for now. I fear that the frenzy may continue for quite some time to come. 

Harry has expressed the desire to get back to his schoolwork, the N.E.W.T.S. not being to far away. I think this is the best thing for him – get back to his normal routine.

June 7  
The school has forgotten recent events, at least for the time being, and has gotten caught up in exam fever. Fever is a good term to describe the students as they work harder now at the last minute than they have worked all year long. Nothing like cramming – that was always the best method for me. I guess it paid off - look where I am now! Even as the term comes to an end, I still can’t get over the fact that I am a teacher. 

Teachers and students alike are busy now. Preparing to give exams and preparing to take them are the orders of the day. I, myself, am included. There is little time for anything else. This is a very good thing. I don’t want to dwell on what is going to happen very soon. He will be leaving – for good. I can’t let myself think about this.

June 23  
Tomorrow is graduation day. There is to be a ceremony out on the lawn. It will be attended by friends and family alike. The Great Hall is just not large enough to accommodate everyone, hence the ceremony will be held outdoors. A very large canopy has been conjured, just in case of rain. If tomorrow’s weather is anything like today, it will be glorious. 

All of the seventh years students have passed, much to my surprise. There were three or four of them that I had my doubts about, but it seems that I underestimated them. Good for them! It is strange to think that the students I have come to know very well will no longer be here. I realize that the younger students will be returning, but it is the older ones I will miss the most. It is funny to look back and think that they were the ones I was most concerned about when I first began and now they are the ones dearest to my heart. Perhaps because they are the ones closest to my own age? It will be interesting to see if I still have the same opinion many years from now. I’m not really sure why I feel this way; I just know I do. I am not referring to Harry because he is in a different category all together. He is way more than just a student, dear Diary, you know this to be the truth.

June 24  
I don’t remember having shaken so many hands in all my life! I met the families and friends of every graduating student here at Hogwarts. I enjoyed it very much. It was wonderful to finally meet them all, especially under such joyous circumstances. Most of the parents looked like they would burst with pride. They realize how much hard work and effort their child has put into their seven years here at school and it is very gratifying to see them reap the rewards.

When I say I met all the families, I am telling a lie. I met them all, save one. Harry’s family, if you can call them that, did not attend. Miserable bastards! I know that they are not really Harry’s favorite people in this world, but it doesn’t change the fact that they are still his family and should have been here. At least his aunt could have come since she is a blood relative. I am sure Harry is disappointed on some level. It must be hard to look out upon a sea of families and know that you have no one there. I would love to give those Dursleys a piece of my mind, but it is not my place.

The ceremony itself was very moving. Professor Dumbledore spoke with such affection and pride! Imagine how many students he has seen pass through these walls – first as a teacher and then as Headmaster. Amazing! I can’t imagine this place without him. 

As each student’s name was called, they came up on stage to receive their diploma and shake hands with all of the staff. The applause was quite thunderous as Harry was called. He, as usual, seemed to be unfazed by it all. Dumbledore gave him such a hug; I don’t think he could have been more proud if it had been his own son. I hadn’t planned to do it, but I found myself pulling him into a hug as well. I whispered congratulations in his ear. There was so much more I wanted to say but I couldn’t find the words or my voice. He gave me one of his heart melting smiles, said ‘thanks Claire’ and then moved on. 

There was naturally a banquet afterwards and as usual, it was outstanding. It really was a wonderful way to end a wonderful day. Some of the students left with their families after all the festivities were over, but the majority of them stayed behind to spend one more night together with their friends. All the students are leaving by train tomorrow after breakfast. 

I am quite tired, dear Diary, as I write down today’s events. I think I should retire for the evening, but in spite of my fatigue, I doubt that I will sleep much. I guess I have something in common with the students. Undoubtedly they will be partying until the wee hours of the morning and more than likely, won’t sleep at all. Somehow I think that tomorrow’s train ride will be unusually quiet! I am not looking forward to tomorrow at all. I have never been one for goodbyes.


	6. Chapter 6

  
Author's notes: Claire Beckwith is the youngest person ever to teach at Hogwarts. She gets more than she bargained for when she develops certain feelings for one of the students. Come peek into her personal diary. 7th year.

* * *

Disclaimer: You all know who the Harry Potter characters belong to; unfortunately, it isn’t me.

A/N: Just so you know, the following chapter contains adult material. So to all those of you who are under-age, see you later!

June 25  
I can’t believe what happened last night! There I was, as I had written, getting ready to go to bed when a knock came at my door. I found this to be highly unusual due to the late hour. Thinking perhaps something was wrong, I hurriedly went to answer. It was Harry! There he stood in all his glory, dressed in tight jeans and an even tighter black tee-shirt. Needless to say, I was quite surprised to find him there, leaning very casually against the door frame. I inquired if there was anything wrong, to which he replied, ‘No of course not. What could be wrong?’ I then asked if there was something I could do for him. Prophetic question! He grinned and said that yes, there was something I could do for him.

‘Come with me, Claire,’ he said and then grabbed my hand. I followed along, half reluctantly, all the while asking where we were going. Harry just kept on grinning and said, ‘You’ll see soon enough.’ Very curious! Every time I started to ask again, he just shushed me by putting his finger to his mouth. 

We started climbing the stairs; up and up we went. At one point I stopped and said I refused to go any further until he told me where we were headed. He looked at me and said, ‘Please, it is just one more floor.’ There was something about the way he said please that made me continue. Finally, we came to a stop before a large door. I had never been really been on the seventh floor before since there had never been any need for me to go there. All of my concerns were much more down to earth. 

Harry asked me if I knew what day it was today. I found this to be a little odd. I answered that yes, of course I knew what day it was - June 24th, graduation day. He was standing before me, still grinning. I told him I didn’t understand. He put his hands on my upper arms, looked into my eyes and said, very seriously, ‘I graduated today.’ I replied, ‘Yes, your point being?’ I think he was getting a little exasperated with me. He said in a very slow, deliberate tone, ‘I graduated today, Claire. That means I am not your student anymore.’ I started to say that yes I know that, when I finally got it. I FINALLY UNDERSTOOD WHAT HE MEANT! I didn’t realize I could be so thick! I felt light-headed. Harry took my face in his hands and said, ‘I am finally allowed to do this.’ He kissed me and for the first time, I could kiss back. He moaned ever so slightly when my tongue touched his. Merlin! He pulled away and I protested loudly. Harry said I should be patient and then he put his hand on the doorknob and opened the door, pulling me inside with him. I ventured slowly into the room and was immediately confused. I looked around me, not understanding where we were. If I didn’t know any better, I would have sworn we were in the Gryffindor locker room! That was impossible because we were on the seventh floor in the castle, not out by the Quidditch pitch. I turned to look at Harry, who was leaning on the closed door, his hands clasped behind his back. I asked ‘What is this place, Harry? Where are we?’ He answered my question with another, ‘Where do you think we are?’ I answered that it looked like the locker room, but that it couldn’t be. He laughed and said, ‘Oh but Claire, it is and it can be.’ Once again I found myself telling him I didn’t understand what was going on.

Harry began walking slowly towards me and spreading his arms before him said, ‘This is the Room of Requirement. It becomes whatever you need it to be.’ I guess he could see the look of confusion that was still on my face so he continued, ‘When we needed a place to practice Defense Against the Dark Arts in the 5th year, this is where we came. The room provided us with everything we needed.’ He was standing right in front of me, so close I could feel his hot breath on my face. I caught on to the idea of the room’s special powers, but why the locker room, I asked. His answer blew me away (Harry has a habit of doing that!). ‘I know that was your fantasy, Claire. What you don’t know is that it was mine as well,’ he replied in a silky voice, the words whispered softly into my ear. As he pulled away, his tongue lightly grazed my ear lobe. I gasped. ‘Give me two minutes, Claire’ he said. The grin had returned to his lips as he moved away from me, going further into the room. He suddenly stopped, spun around and looking at me said, ‘I almost forgot!’ He pulled out his wand and before I knew it, I was wearing my teacher’s robes! He smirked and said, ‘That’s better’ and then he disappeared in the back. 

I knew where he had gone – to the shower. I realized that he would very shortly be stepping back into the room wearing only that towel! My fantasy of so many months was going to come true! My mind was racing and my heart pounding. He had been having the same thoughts as me! I could feel the wetness spreading between my legs. I was trembling with anticipation. It seemed I was in for an evening of role-playing! Could you call it ‘The Student and the Naughty Teacher’? Perhaps the other way around would be more fitting since it was the so-called student who had initiated the encounter!

And then there he was, standing before me, just as he had done so many months before. He recreated his actions perfectly; he came out in just that towel, drying his hair. I stood transfixed, drinking in the sight of his perfect body. Harry finished toweling his hair and the reached down for his glasses. When his head came up he exclaimed, ‘P-Professor Beckwith! Wh-what are you doing here?’ It seems that Mr. Potter is quite the little actor! Anyone watching would have believed that he didn’t know I was there. Of course, I played along.

I said, ‘I just came to offer my congratulations on your fine performance, Mr. Potter.’ I walked over slowly and stood before him. ‘You were outstanding, as usual, Harry.’ I stood up on my tiptoes and pecked him on the cheek, putting my hands on his arms to steady myself. I let my hands linger on him oh so briefly and then I stepped back to move away. Harry grabbed my hand and asked me to stay. I mumbled something about it not being a good idea. He stepped forward and pulled me closer until our bodies were molded one into the other. He said, ‘I think it is a very good idea’ and he began to kiss me, slowly, teasingly at first and then more aggressively. He has the softest, most delicious lips I have ever felt. Our tongues danced and intertwined, tasting, exploring, caressing, seeking… Without breaking our kiss, his hands moved to undo my robes – they fell to the floor. He moved his head back and began trailing little sucking kisses all down my neck and into my cleavage. His tongue darted between my breasts and then he licked a path back up my neck to my ear. Merlin, that never fails to turn me on (not that I wasn’t already; it is just one of my more sensitive points)! Harry began to undo my blouse very, very slowly and then slipped it off my shoulders to join my robes in a heap on the floor. He squeezed my breasts and pinched my nipples through my bra. When I moaned, he pinched them a little harder and said, ‘You like that, do you?’ I moaned again and replied that I liked it, but I would like it even more if he bit them. He hastily removed my bra and obliged me. I said, ‘What an accommodating young man you are, Mr. Potter!’ He just laughed between nibbles and mumbled something about ‘aiming to please’. 

Suddenly, Harry sunk down to his knees and looking up at me, ran his hands up my legs and under my skirt. Before I realized what he was doing, he slipped off my panties and threw them aside. Surprisingly, he stood up and kissed me deeply. I felt his hands on my backside. He pulled up the back of my skirt and began caressing my bare ass. He ground himself into me as he did it, letting me feel his hard cock. Do you know that that damned towel still hung around his waist! 

He let the hem of my skirt fall back down and then whispered into my ear, ‘Are you wet for me Claire?’ Merlin! I had been wet for him for months! I took a step back from him and in doing so saw the tent in his towel. I reached over and caressed him very lightly and very quickly. It was his turn to moan. I spread my legs apart and lifted up my skirt. I took his hand and put it on me saying, ‘In answer to your question – see for yourself.’ He wasted no time in inserting a finger inside me and saw with great satisfaction that I was not only wet, but dripping. I whispered to him this time, ‘See what you do to me Harry?’ He mirrored my words and actions by placing my hand on his cock and saying, ’See what you do to me, Claire.’ There we were playing with each other! Merlin help me - it was amazing. We were standing there, staring into each other’s eyes, moaning, panting, and drinking in the sights, sounds, and touch of the other. It took almost no time before I was screaming out his name as I came. In the blink of an eye, he was joining me in bliss. Do you know how hard it is to keep your eyes open when you come? Not once did we break our gaze until it was over. Harry picked up his wand and cleaned us both up and then he kissed me very deeply. 

I stepped back and removed my skirt. I looked at Harry and asked him if he had used a Sticking Charm on that bloody towel. He smirked and gave it a flick with his finger. The towel finally fell! How it stayed on that long is beyond me! All those months fantasizing about what was underneath it – believe me, it was worth the wait. I have never seen such a gorgeous body in all my life! He is thin, but not all skinny. Oh the smooth skin, the perfectly flat belly, the strong, muscular arms and legs, the tight, round to-die-for-just-want-to-bite-it little butt, the beautiful cock, the smoldering emerald eyes! Have you ever looked at someone and wanted them so much that you felt as if you could crawl inside them and it still wouldn’t be close enough? I wanted to possess him, to taste him, to touch him, to make him mine. I reached out to him and began to caress him, marveling in Harry in all his glory. 

The wonderful thing about young men is that it doesn’t take them long to become hard again. Harry was no exception. I pulled him over to a chair and made him sit. I sunk down between his legs and started kissing my way down his stomach. He was trembling with anticipation. I took him in my mouth and began teasing him mercilessly. Harry was calling my name, begging me not to stop. I felt his hands in my hair, encouraging me to continue. When I withdrew, he whimpered in protest. I bent down and gently sucked his balls. It was at that point he began calling for Merlin. He pulled me up and down on top of him. It was my turn to call out. I can’t even to begin to describe the sensations I was feeling as I began to move. The word ‘perfection’ comes to mind. There we were staring into each other’s eyes again. I reached down to remove his glasses, fearing they would get knocked off. He stopped me saying, ‘Leave them, Claire. I want to be able to see you. I want to see everything.’ Merlin! Harry seems to always know just the right thing to say. 

How can I even begin to describe to you, dear Diary, what I was feeling at that moment: the delicious sensation of him deep inside me, that sensation I had been aching for, craving for all those months; the touch of his strong hands as they roamed over my entire body; the dual personality of his lips and tongue – gentle, delicate, moist, teasing when applied to my skin; hard, thrusting, crushing, burning white-hot when joined to my own; the eyes…I always come back to those eyes, those green eyes that will be my downfall. As I ride him, oh so close to my peak once again, they are burning into my very soul, so bright, so green, watching every move that I make and taking me in. I am drowning in an emerald sea. Suddenly, I am coming, calling out his name. He holds me closer, pulling me down sharply upon him. He is watching me, studying me, whispering words of encouragement in my ear – that’s it, come for me Claire; let yourself go; I can feel you coming; you’re so beautiful Claire. His murmurings increased my pleasure tenfold. As quickly as it began, it was over. I sat very still, trying to catch my breath. Harry was grinning at me. I kissed him and thanked him. I wanted to stay there, not to move, so that I could keep the feeling of him inside of me forever. However, that would have been very selfish of me. How could I not give back what I had just been given? 

I began to move anew, telling Harry that it was his turn now. I captured his hands and brought them up to my breasts. I leaned forward so that he could suck on my nipples. I moaned loudly, knowing that what ever sounds I made would turn him on even more. I whispered to him, just as he had done to me. I never realized how powerful words were! Just the right ones could send you over the moon. I praised him lavishly, telling him what an incredible lover he was; I told him I adored every inch of his body; how delicious he tasted; how wonderful he smelled. As I increased my rhythm, I confessed how much I had wanted this to happen between us and how it was so much better than I had ever imagined. It was the truth. I had spent so many months thinking about making love with Harry, that I had been somewhat concerned that I might be disappointed. How foolish of me! 

He now had his eyes closed – he was concentrating. ‘Are you close, Harry?’ I asked. He nodded his head very quickly - yes! I was moving at a frantic pace, desperate to ensure his pleasure. ‘I want to feel you come inside of me Harry’ I breathed in his ear. Suddenly his eyes sprung open and he let out such a moan of delight and called out ‘Claire…oh yes Claire!’ There is nothing like hearing your lover say your name at the moment of ecstasy! Merlin, I am excited all over again, just writing this down!

We stayed there and held on to one another, neither of us seeming to want to let go. I was thinking about how much I wanted to lay in his arms, how nice it would feel. When I opened my eyes, there it was! A huge bed had appeared in the corner of the room. I had forgotten about us being in the Room of Requirement. A truly amazing room it is too! I unwillingly left my perch on his lap and pulled him up saying, ’Come to the bed with me.’

We settled down together, my head on his chest and our legs intertwined. Dear Diary, I don’t think I have ever felt so contented in all my life. I lay there, listening to the soft sound of his breathing, feeling his strong arms around me – who wouldn’t feel contented? I started to talk - I wanted to tell him how much he had come to mean to me, but he wouldn’t let me speak. He put his finger against my lips and said ‘Hush, Claire. Don’t spoil this moment with words. Let’s just enjoy the feeling of each other.’ What could I say? I certainly couldn’t argue. I held my thoughts inside my head. There would be another time for them to be said. So, I did what Harry asked, I relished the moment. 

You would think that we would both have been exhausted but neither of us seemed fatigued. Harry began to draw lazy circles on my skin with his finger. I rolled onto my back so that he could have easy access to my body. Soon, the tickling touch of his finger became full-fledged caresses. At times, he would rake his fingernails over my skin, not hard enough to scratch, but enough to make me quiver. I could feel him hard against my thigh. There was that familiar tingling between my legs at the thought of what was to happen yet again. He took off his glasses and placed them on the nightstand and then took up a position between my knees. He entered me s-o-o-o slowly that I felt I could die right there from the pleasure. I hooked my legs around him and we began to move in perfect rhythm. No words were spoken; the air was filled with moans and gasps and other little sounds of delight. I climaxed first with him following only a split second later. I swear our bodies seemed to be as one. Finally sated, we climbed under the covers and snuggled against one another. Just before we fell asleep, I said to Harry, ‘Let me once again congratulate you. Mr. Potter, that was an outstanding performance!’ He laughed and pulled me closer. That was the last thing I remember - which brings me to this morning…

I awoke and at first I had no clue where the hell I was. As the fog slowly lifted in my mind, I smiled as the memories of last night flooded in. I asked myself if it had all been just a dream. The answer came quickly – no, it had been real, very real. I reached out across the bed. It was empty! I quickly sat up and looked around me. I was still in the Room of Requirement, but Harry was no where to be seen. I called out to him, but no answer came. I wondered what time it was. Suddenly, the wall beside the bed was filled with clocks of all shape and size. I rubbed my eyes, not believing what I was seeing. It wasn’t the sudden apparition of timepieces that startled me; it was the time. It was 10:45 - I had slept the morning away! A realization hit me like a ton of bricks. I had exactly 15 minutes before the train was about to leave, carrying the students, including Harry, away from Hogwarts. I flew out of the bed, searching desperately for my clothes. They of course appeared, neatly folded on the chair. It was same chair where Harry and I had made love. If there had been more time, I would have stopped and replayed the scene in my mind. I did not have a second to waste. I hurriedly dressed and ran from the room. Down and down the stairs I raced, suddenly wishing I were taller so I could take them two at a time. I did not dare for my short legs would not permit such a feat. If only we were able to apparate! It would have made things a whole lot easier. Whoever banned it was an idiot. 

I ran into Filch on the ground floor. He was yelling at me, something about not running in the school. I, of course, ignored him. He did not appreciate this at all. Screw him! Let him report me to Dumbledore! I burst out the door and was running with all my might across the grounds when I heard the whistle. Spurred on by panic, I found my second wind. However, it wasn’t good enough. I reached the station just in time to see the back of the train pull away. Hagrid was the only living soul on the platform. He asked me what was wrong. It took awhile before I could catch my breath. I asked if all the students had gotten on the train: Hermione – yes; Ron – yes; Harry – yes. I had missed him. I couldn’t hold back my tears. How could I have let this happen? Hagrid wanted to know why I was crying. I told him I was disappointed at having missed an opportunity to say goodbye. He patted me gently on the shoulder and tried his best to console me, bless his heart. He really is kind-hearted. I was inconsolable, however. He walked me back up to the school and asked if there was anything he could do. I thanked him and said that no, there was nothing he could do.

I have been here in my room crying since then. How could I have slept so long? Why did I not waken when Harry did? Why did he not wake me? I have too many questions dear Diary, without any answers.


	7. Chapter 7

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the Harry Potter characters or places; they have been borrowed for a short time, just for fun.

June 26  
I have been trying very hard to make some sense of what happened between Harry and me. Was it just shagging? I know that it wasn’t for me. But what about him? Maybe that was all it was. After all, he figured out a long time ago that I wanted him. Perhaps he saw an opportunity and took it. Would Harry do something like that? Why not? He is a young man, a very passionate young man, at his sexual peak. There’s not too many that would pass up an opportunity for a quick shag. I think we all have a tendency to think of him as being this perfect, innocent person. He is neither. He is human like the rest of us, with his strengths and weaknesses. He could very well be capable of doing just that – taking part in a new sexual experience just because.

As I said, it was far more than that for me. I have known for a long time now, but I would never really let myself admit that what I felt for him was more than just lust. I love him. It was those words that I wanted to say; those words that he made me keep to myself. Dear Diary, do you think he knew what I was going to say and that he didn’t want to know? 

Dear Merlin, why am I torturing myself like this? I should give him a chance. Perhaps I will be hearing from him very soon. I have to hear from him soon. Bloody hell, I really don’t know what to think anymore! Claire, get a grip!

July 3  
Dear Diary, I am still waiting to hear from him. It is torture for me. The only thing I can think about is that night, that wonderful, amazing, incredible, remarkable, astounding, astonishing, magnificent, mind-blowing night. I close my eyes and it plays over and over in my mind, like a Muggle movie. The images haunt me, stalk me, lay in wait for me whenever my mind wanders. The Gryffindor lion is ready to pounce and I am its prey. How do you forget the image of a god’s body when every square inch of its magnificence is indelibly etched in your brain? My mind’s eye sees him standing before me once again and I grow heady from the sight. Every fiber of my being wants him; wants to touch and explore and experience him anew. I would gladly throw myself at his feet and worship him.

In the stillness, my mind’s ear hears him once again. Merlin! I hear his voice, reedy and breathless with passion. He is gasping, moaning, whimpering, making delicious little sounds of delight. He is calling out my name again as we ride the wave, climbing higher and higher until we explode and come crashing down. His breath hitches and he hisses and pants, desperately trying to fill his lungs. 

All of my senses are fully in play as I remember. If I inhale deeply, I swear that I can smell his sweet fragrance. How does he smell? It is uniquely Harry – clean, masculine, musky, intoxicating and comes from no bottle. I can taste him as well: the sweetness of his lips and mouth, the salty skin, the ever so slight bitterness of his essence. My own mouth waters at the thought, hungry for a second helping.

I am being driven mad. These thoughts are consuming me. I am in a state of constant arousal and seek release all too frequently. Relief is only temporary and is never enough. The touch of my own hand is not what I want, not what I crave. It is decidedly empty and unfulfilling. My climaxes are almost effortless; the mere thought of Harry takes me to the brink. I call out his name and long to hear him once again whispering to me, encouraging me. My voice echoes in my room, my cries of passion falling on my ears alone. Harry…please, I need you. 

July 7  
Dear Diary, I still have not heard from Harry. Every morning I wake up and the first thing that goes through my mind is, ‘Today will be the day. I’ll have news from him’. Every night I go to my bed despondent. Sleep does not come easily for my head is crammed with thoughts – thoughts of him, thoughts of us together, thoughts of what could be. They are interlaced with worries – is he okay, did he I displease him in some way, is he angry with me, is that it between us? I am fairly certain that I didn’t displease him nor did I piss him off. He did enjoy himself that night, no doubt about it. I mean, there is no way a man could fake his responses. A woman, yes; a man, no. When necessary, a woman can put on quite a show. One that would leave her lover on Cloud Nine thinking he was the world’s greatest when in fact just the opposite was true. Hell, I’ve even done it myself once or twice. Trevor was none the wiser. I thought that he and I had something really special going on. If you took all the times Trevor and I made love and rolled them all together into one, it would not come close to what Harry and I had for just one night. Don’t get me wrong, I mean Trevor was good enough but I’ve since had the best. I don’t know why, but I always figured that Harry was a virgin. How wrong I was! He is an exquisite lover who has obviously had much experience. Either that or he is a very quick learner. Whoever taught him, thanks-you did a great job. If Harry and I – Merlin, I can barely write this – never make love again, it will always be my ultimate, my summum bonum. It will be the standard by which all others will be measured.

However, I can’t help asking myself those questions. I guess that they stem from my insecurities, my deepest, darkest fears. It is very difficult for me not to let myself be swallowed up by these feelings. I could very easily curl up in a corner and let my self wither, consumed by self-loathing and fear. I grew up with a major inferiority complex and I worked very, very hard to overcome it. Yes, I could slip back into my old habits in the blink of an eye. I can not let this happen. Remember what you used to say to yourself. Claire, your self-worth is not dependent on your acceptance by any other human being. This includes Harry Potter. Look at all your good qualities; any man would be happy to have a woman like you. 

What if what I have is not what he needs, not what he wants? STOP IT, CLAIRE! Stop, stop, stop… 

July 12  
Looking back upon what I have written, it would give the impression that all I care about is sex, that I only want Harry back for his magnificent body. I should clarify my feelings. Merlin, yes I want him. My hunger is stronger than ever. What I feel for him is much, much more than that. I love him so much, I can barely stand it. I long for him, all of him: his gentleness, his dry wit, his self-effacing nature, his thoughtfulness, his generosity, his playfulness, his intelligence, his quiet strength. I want him to tease me once again, to make me blush. I want to make him blush as well, to see that pink tinge cross his cheeks, while he grins with just a hint of shyness. Adorable! I want us to share our innermost thoughts, our desires, our fears, our hopes, our secrets. I want us to be so close that we know what the other is thinking, what the other will say, without a single syllable being said. I want it all with him. 

I thought I had known love before. I thought I had known passion as well. Until this year, I had been ignorant, misinformed. What I had known was a mere shadow of the real thing, a pale imposter, a specter, a phantom. 

July 22  
I am 23 years old today. In some ways, I feel as old as Dumbledore. What is going on with Harry, more precisely what isn’t going on with him, is wearing me out. I feel like a ton weight is on my shoulders. I am still trying to deal with this, still trying not to let it get to me, but I am afraid I am fighting a losing battle. The emotions are too powerful.

I was surprised with a birthday cake in the staff room this evening. It was very sweet of them all to remember. I tried to be cheerful, but I don’t know how convincing I was. I caught Severus staring at me twice. Very strange! He still makes me uneasy at times, even though I know the truth about him. He has the most piercing gaze. It is almost as if he could see right into your soul. 

I feel so utterly and completely alone. My heart is full and empty at the same time, a seemingly impossible fact. It is like a rubber balloon. The love that I feel for Harry fills it totally, stretching it to the limit, until I feel my heart will surely burst. At the next instant, the realization that he is not here, he is not sharing the same feelings as I, makes the balloon that is my heart deflate. It lies there, limp and pitiful, waiting to be filled anew. 

Happy birthday to me… 

July 31  
Today is Harry’s birthday. He is 18 years old. Yesterday, I went to see Headmaster Dumbledore, hoping he would be able to tell me where I could find Harry. I had a perfect excuse for my inquiry; I wanted to send him a birthday card. This was the truth, well part of it anyway. Of course dear Diary, you know full well there is more to the story than that. Dumbledore doesn’t need to know it, however. 

Alas, he did not know where Harry was. He told me that Harry had not told him where he was going after graduation. Dumbledore said that he had told him he needed to be alone for awhile and than there were a lot of things he had to come to terms with. Harry had promised the Headmaster he would be in touch, eventually. I was quite disheartened by his answer. Dumbledore looked at me very intently, studying my reaction. I am sure he must suspect something. He gave my arm a little squeeze and said with a smile, ‘Don’t worry, Claire. Everything will work out for the best.’ I thanked him and left. I wonder what he meant. Best for whom – me or Harry?

Happy birthday, Harry. Where ever you are, I hope you are happy.

All my love,  
Claire 

August 19  
In my desperation to find Harry, I went to the nearest Muggle town to use the telephone. Strange objects they are, telephones. I learned how to use them many years ago when I was back in Canada. I didn’t know the number, but I quickly found it by using ‘Information’. With a shaky hand I dialed the number. A man’s voice answered. I asked, ‘May I speak to Harry please?’ The voice on the other end grew gruff. It barked at me, ‘Who is this?’ I told him my name and added that I was a friend of Harry’s. ‘Potter doesn’t live here anymore. Don’t EVER call this number again.’ Before I could ask if he knew where I could find him, he hung up. Bastard. He was so rude to me. I guess I should have expected it after everything Harry told me about his Uncle Vernon. Miserable SOB! 

I realized even before I made the call that I was grasping at straws. So nothing has changed. Harry has disappeared from my life. Dear Diary, what ever am I to do? It hurts so much.

August 31  
Today is the last day of summer vacation. Thank Merlin, the students will be back tomorrow. I think, well, I hope, that their return will be the best thing for me. I will have something else to occupy my mind. I have had too much time on my hands these past two months. I am ashamed to admit it, but I even let the greenhouses suffer right along with me. Fortunately, I didn’t let them go so far that I lost everything. Dumbledore would have had my head on a silver platter for sure. It is a good thing no one really goes there but me. No one will be the wiser about my lapse. 

September 7  
My second year teaching is well under way. I have to admit it feels good. It was nice to get reacquainted with the students. It is amazing to see how they have grown over the summer! Two months can make a big difference. The first years are very sweet. They seem to be a nice group this year. 

It is ridiculous, but I have caught myself scanning the crowds for Harry. I keep expecting him to walk into the greenhouse and give me one of his killer grins and make my heart melt all over again. I know full well that he isn’t here and he won’t be either. He has graduated from Hogwarts and moved on to bigger and better things and new and exciting people. It is the last part that worries me. 

Bloody hell! There I go again. I am jealous over no one. I am jealous and I have no right to be jealous. I have no hold on Harry, except the one that exists in my mind, the one that I want to exist for real. No amount of wishing and praying is going to make it happen. 

September 13  
The return of the students here at Hogwarts has had the desired effect, but only up to a certain point. School keeps me busy during the day and into the evening, but it is the night, the night where I am lost. He lingers still, ever watching, ever waiting. His memory haunts the twilight moments before I finally find respite. Even in my sleep, he is always there. The dream is never the same; it is always changing, always moving. It is as if I am watching the life I desire play out before my eyes. I stand on the sidelines as an observer. I want to move into the action, but I can’t. I am doomed to be the watcher. Although the dreams themselves are always different, the ending is always the same. I waken every morning to the same scenario. Harry is standing before me, smiling, his hand outstretched, calling to me, beckoning me forward. I reach out to grasp his hand and just as my fingers are a fraction of an inch from his, I awake. I start my days with a deep sense of loss and emptiness. This feeling stays with me until late in the day. I know I will see my beloved once again in my dreams. The cycle repeats itself over and over and over… 

October 1   
Dear Diary, I have such a great sadness in my heart. Tell me, how do I make it go away? What words, if you could speak, would you use to comfort me? If only he would write to me, to tell me that I am not the one he wants. My head tells me that his silence is my answer. It should be clear as day to you Claire, it says to me. Harry does not want a relationship with you. What you experienced together was incredible but that’s all there is to it. There is no more to come. It is my heart that is tormenting me. It won’t let me listen to what my head is trying to get me to accept. It keeps planting seeds of doubt. Little sprouts of ‘what if’ keep popping up: what if he does really want you but can’t find a way to tell you; what if he hasn’t gotten his act together yet; what if he isn’t over what happened with Voldemort; what if tomorrow is the day he comes; what if; what if; what if. How do you accept reality when you feel like you will die if you do? I hate this! 

October 6  
Nothing; there is nothing, no word, no sign, not even a whisper. I have nothing. I am empty. I am lost. I am going through the motions, giving the impression that everything is right when, in fact, everything is wrong. I don’t know what to do anymore. How can I continue? Merlin, show me the way. Help me, please, help me!


	8. Chapter 8

Disclaimer: Don’t own it; just borrowing it; no money being made here. 

A/N: I know this chapter is a little short, but… 

November 10, 2002  
Hello old friend! Dear Dairy, it has been so long since I have shared my feelings with you! So much has happened to me over the last four years, I don’t know where to begin. 

I read your pages and so many memories came flooding back, good and bad alike. I wonder what it was that made me start keeping a journal? Perhaps it was my move to England that got things rolling. I was so unsure of myself in those days, I guess I needed to find a way to voice my insecurities. Dear Diary, you sure fit the bill! You quickly became my closest friend (at the beginning, my only friend I should say). Leaving Canada at the tender age of 17 was a huge step for me but I felt that there was no reason to stay once both Mum and Dad were gone. I needed something different in my life, a challenge. 

When I left home, the last thing I thought I would ever become was a teacher. Here I remain to this day, Herbology Professor at Hogwarts. This was the challenge I was looking for and I am happy to say that I think I met it quite well. A chance that I took on a whim has turned into a very rewarding career. I love being a teacher. It is truly amazing to see the children blossoming under the tutelage they receive here at Hogwarts. 

In your pages I re-live my life anew – my first jobs as a gardener, my years with the Wilburns, Trevor. I described him as a wanker. Good choice of a word – it describes him perfectly. I ran into him 2 years ago. He did nothing to make me change my assessment of him. What did I ever see in him? Oh well, dear Diary, I chalk it up to youthful inexperience. 

It was quite difficult to read about my feelings for Harry. I see how my love for him developed over the months. Little by little as I devour your pages I see an infatuation turn into lust and then into love. I knew the feelings I had for him were wrong but I was unable (unwilling?) to stop. I never realized how truly depressed I was during that time I was waiting for Harry. I knew I was sad, but it is only now that I see how low I had really sunk. It was such a horrible time for me. I don’t know how I survived it, but some how I did. I made it through the darkest time of my life. Love is such a powerful emotion. It can take you so high and the next minute, so low. I think there is a Muggle device – what do they call it now – oh, yes, a rollercoaster – that is a good analogy for love. Up and down, thrilling and scary all at the same time. I have seen pictures of them, but I never had the chance to ride one. I will have to give it a try one day, if I can get my husband to come with me. 

Yes, dear Diary, you see correctly. I am married and have been happily so since June 21, 2001. My husband came to Hogwarts in September of 2000 to become our new Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher. The rest, as they say, is history. We have a wonderful life here and we are extremely happy. 

It was so amazing to read about the night Harry and I spent in the Room of Requirement. The images are so alive, so real. I can close my eyes and it is as if it happened yesterday. I am so turned on! It is a shame that my husband has gone shopping in Diagon Alley for the day. I think he’ll have a nice surprise waiting for him when he returns. I can’t wait to shag him silly! A thought just occurred to me – perhaps I shall let him read my diary. I think I know what effect it will have on him. I am in store for a long night. Yes, I am definitely going to let him read it. 

I do suppose, dear Diary, that you would like to know the reason for my sudden return to your pages? You see, I am packing our belongings and came across you at the bottom of my dresser drawer. I do hope you can forgive me for ignoring you for so, so long. I am packing not because we are leaving Hogwarts, but because we are moving into our own little house on the school grounds. The reason for the move? That is the best part – I am four months pregnant with our first child. Isn’t that astounding? Albus suggested that it would be better if we had our own place instead of staying in the teachers’ quarters. He said it would be more private. Isn’t that wonderful of him to come up with the idea? He is such an amazing man. Naturally, we jumped at the chance. We are going to transport all of our stuff down tomorrow. I thought I would take this opportunity to get rid of a lot of things that we don’t need. It is amazing how much junk you accumulate over the years. Don’t worry; I’ll never throw you out. You are too much a part of my life. 

Something else happened today, something that I can’t wait to share with my husband. I went to see Poppy for my usual check-up. Everything is right on schedule, which is a great relief. I know everything is ok, but I can’t help worrying just a little, this being my first pregnancy and all. Poppy asked me if I wanted to know the sex of the baby. I had always said that I would wait until the birth to find out, but I found myself saying to her that yes, I wanted to know. Dear Diary, it is a boy. We are going to have a son! I just cried when I found out. I am so happy, I can’t even begin to tell you. I know he is going to be thrilled too. He said he didn’t care if it is a boy or a girl, but I know deep down inside he wants a son very much. It is natural, isn’t it? Every man wants a son to carry on the family name, to show him everything a man needs to know. If our son turns out to be a fraction of the man his father is, he is going to be an astounding person. I am praying that he will be healthy and happy, that is what is important. But there is one thing I am praying for, for me; something that will make everything perfect. I want our son to have his father’s deep emerald eyes.


	9. Chapter 9

  
Author's notes: Claire Beckwith is the youngest person ever to teach at Hogwarts. She gets more than she bargained for when she develops certain feelings for one of the students. Come peek into her personal diary. 7th year.

* * *

Disclaimer: Don’t own it; just borrowing it; no money being made here, unfortunately.

November 11  
Well, I did indeed show my diary to Harry. I started out with ‘the’ chapter and my, oh my, it did have the desired effect! I read it aloud to him. It was really something watching him as I read, studying his reactions. Part way through, he took the book from my hands and began to read himself. You have no idea how exciting it was hearing my words come from his lips. Listening to him describe himself as I saw him, hearing my account of what he was doing to me – Merlin! It was totally hot. We shagged like mad and it was wonderful. It always is wonderful but somehow reliving that night added just a little extra spice, if you know what I mean. 

Afterwards, Harry asked if I minded if he read my whole diary. He said it would bring us even closer if got a further glimpse inside my head. What could I say? Of course, I let him read it, but with a warning. I just wanted him to be prepared for what he would read during the time I was waiting for his return. I made him promise not to feel guilty and that I understood why he stayed away for so long. 

When he finished reading the whole diary, he thanked me for sharing something so very, very intimate with him. He added that he wished he had kept one too, just so he could share his with me. That way, we would be equal. Harry said it was going to be hard for him not to feel a sense of guilt over what he put me through but he was going to try very hard not to let it affect him. He, of course, had known he had hurt me deeply; he just didn’t know the extent of it. My diary had made that painfully clear to him. He held me tightly in his arms and whispered gently, ‘I’m so sorry for hurting you Claire. I had to stay away. It was something I needed to do for me. I love you so much.’ I know all this and I forgave him a long time ago. I told him that I shouldn’t have let him read it after all. He hushed me and said, no, he was glad I did. 

As we were laying in each others arms Harry said something unusual to me. He said I owed it to my diary to finish it. He said I should at least write down how it was we finally came to be together. 

I guess Harry is right. I should at least finish the saga of that chapter of my life. I have never been one for leaving things undone, so here goes… 

October 9, 1998 - I’ll never forget that night. It was a Friday evening and I had just finished grading some papers and was preparing to retire for the evening. I never looked forward to going to sleep anymore. It was always so hard since my head was always filled with tormenting thoughts of Harry. I heard a tap-tap at the window. I remember thinking ‘what could that be?’ I opened the window and in popped a snowy white owl. It was Hedwig - Harry’s owl! My heart began to beat furiously. It felt as if it would explode in my chest. Was this the word I had been waiting for, praying for? I gave her a crust of bread from a sandwich I had been eating earlier on and unfastened the letter that was attached to her leg. Before I knew it, Hedwig was gone, flying back into the darkness. My heart sunk. Harry was not waiting for a reply. She would have stayed with me if he had instructed her to wait. I took the letter and sat down on the sofa, just staring at the envelope. There was one word written on the front – Claire; it was written in Harry’s handwriting. I sat for the longest time before I got up the courage to open it up. With a trembling hand I finally took a deep breath and did it. I still remember to this day what Harry had written (I should; I must have read it a million times): 

My dearest Claire,  
I am sorry it has taken me so long to get back to you, but I have found myself at a loss for words. I have been struggling all this time as to what I was going to say. I still don’t know for sure but I have to do this for I have been unfair to you.

Let me begin by saying that the night we spent together was the most incredible night I have ever had in my life. I had spent so much time over the months thinking about you, fantasizing about you, wanting you. What we did was so much more than I had ever dreamed of – my piss-poor fantasies couldn’t hold a candle to our reality. You were so beautiful, so sexy, so delicious that evening. I would be lying to you if I said I didn’t want more. I would be a fool not to! Just thinking about it now, well, let me just say I am having a very hard time concentrating. 

Claire, I know you have feelings for me that go beyond your fantasy. I could see that look in your eyes; the look that burned into my soul. To be honest with you, it scared me a little. I have some feelings for you as well, but unlike you, I am not sure what those feelings are. I am not sure if it is just desire or if it is something more. 

I have a lot of things to work out. I haven’t come to terms with what happened to me last May. I know I appear calm about the whole thing, but the truth is I am not. It is hard for me to accept that I killed someone. Even though it was Voldemort, I find myself having some feelings of guilt. I know nobody could possibly understand how I could feel this way, but I do. It is a reality for me. As you can well imagine, that has been hard to deal with. I must find a way to accept what I have done and this is something I must do on my own, no one can help me. I need to be alone, to be away from Hogwarts, to see the world, to experience life. I need to find out who Harry Potter is because I don’t recognize him anymore. I don’t know who he is or what he wants. Hopefully one day, I will have the answers to all my questions.

So my dearest Claire, I hope you can find it in your heart to forgive me. I am sorry if I have hurt you. I have a sneaking feeling that I did, and very much so. Please remember it is nothing that you did or didn’t do, it is me, and only me who doesn’t know what he wants. 

Don’t wait for me. Promise me that you will move on with your life. Whatever you do, please don’t stop teaching because you are fantastic. You were born to be a teacher. 

I wish I could say we will meet again, but that would be a lie for I don’t know what the future holds. If we never see one another again, I hope you can keep me tucked away in a little corner of your heart. I know I will never, ever forget you.

Be happy Claire. You deserve it.

Harry

Merlin! I pulled out the letter and I did remember it exactly as it was written. It brought tears to my eyes, just as it did so long ago. I said that I had wanted to know one way or the other what Harry was feeling, but this was definitely not what I had hoped to hear. It was my damned heart again, still not letting me see reality. I had still believed he would come back to me with a declaration of love. Looking back now, trying to capture in words how I felt at that moment, I feel that emptiness anew. I can not begin to describe to you the utter devastation. I don’t think I have ever felt so low. I spent the next two days in a haze, completely consumed by grief and self-pity. I read that letter over and over, trying to find some hidden meaning, something between the lines that I had missed. There was no such thing. Harry had been crystal clear in his words. He said he wasn’t sure about how he felt about me. I am really and truly amazed that I didn’t pick up on his doubt and run with it. I could very easily have sat there with that little spark of hope that maybe he would come to realize that he did love me. Hmm, interesting! At that point, I must have really convinced myself that all Harry wanted was to shag me. I suppose this was for the best, for it allowed me to move on, eventually. That took a very, very long time. 

I remember getting up that first Monday morning, not wanting to leave my rooms, let alone teach a class. It took every ounce of strength that I had to force myself to do it. I am sure it must have been a very lackluster lesson, but I did it. And then the next one, and the next and so on. Gradually, it got easier. I threw myself into my work; this was natural since it was the only thing that I had. Thank Merlin for it too because I don’t think I would have ever come around. 

The nights remained, as always, the most difficult. The night finds you alone, alone with only your thoughts to keep you company. Sometimes those thoughts do not make good bedfellows. Harry had told me not to blame myself but I couldn’t help thinking that perhaps there was something I could have done or said that would have made a difference. I played our time together over and over in my head, still searching for something, anything. I had been correct when I wondered if Harry had hushed me because he didn’t want to hear what I had to say. That hurt more than I can say. 

The days moved on, ever so slowly. I did as well. As I said previously, my work became everything to me. I was determined to have a successful professional life. This was in sharp contrast to my personal life which was in shambles. I rarely, if ever left Hogwarts. The few times that I did, it was because I was in need of some item or another and had to go shopping. I used to be an avid shopper, taking hours and hours at the task. I loved shopping for bargains, comparing and pricing from shop to shop. That was another of my pleasures that was lost to me. It became a task of necessity. I knew what I required and would get it and return straight away to school, seeking the solitude and safety of my rooms. I became a recluse. 

I never utter a single word of my ordeal to another living soul. I never confided with any of my colleagues. I suppose I never felt that close to any of them. They could surely see that I had changed. I have a hunch that Minerva might have figured out what was going on. Many times she asked me if there was anything on my mind. I always replied that there wasn’t. She in turn said that her door was always open and if I ever needed a sympathetic ear, she was there for me. I thanked her but never took her up on the offer. Would it have helped me? Possibly. I could never bring myself to seek her out. I think I could not bear to say the words aloud. It is bad enough to hear them in your head, but to hear them issuing from your lips? No, I couldn’t. I suffered alone and in silence.

The days turned into months and before I knew it, the school year had ended. I no longer had the distraction of students and classes to keep me and my mind occupied, so I turned to the greenhouses and gardens to keep me sane. I devoted myself to my first love in order to keep the thoughts of my true love away. Albus tried very hard to get me to go away on holiday but I declined. I think he and Minerva both knew. He must have known. Very little gets by our beloved Headmaster. He always looked at me strangely. How can I describe his look – kindly, concerned, a little sad, but with an undercurrent of a smile. It always gave me a feeling that he knew something I didn’t. 

At the end of August, 1999, I was looking forward to my third year teaching. We had a new member of the staff. Her name was Susan Geoffreys, and she came to Hogwarts to be our new Charms teacher. Professor Flitwick had decided he had had enough and had left Hogwarts to take a much deserved rest. 

Susan was just a few years older than me and we struck up an immediate friendship. It felt good to have someone closer to my own age around. We became close but I never told her about Harry. She knew that I had had a difficult relationship with someone but I never told her the details. She never me pressed to reveal more. It was with her help that I began to come out of my self-imposed seclusion. It took her awhile, but she finally managed to get me out of the school and back into the real world. We began with little excursions to Diagon Alley, sometimes to do a little shopping, sometimes for a meal. Gradually, it became easier for me. I started to feel like my old self once again. It had begun to show. Albus whispered to me one afternoon after tea, ‘It is good to see you smile again, Claire.’ He gave my arm a little pat and then walked away. 

Although I changed, Harry was still with me, wherever I went, whatever I did. The pain was till there, but it had grown into a dull ache rather than searing agony. 

By Christmas of that year, Susan had convinced me, I don’t know how, that we should go clubbing. She told me over and over that it was time that I got out and met someone new. I think I finally gave in just to get her off my back. I really didn’t want to go and to say that I was panicked was an understatement. I forced myself. We went out a few times before I finally met someone who was interested. Was I interested in him? Vaguely. He was certainly handsome – tall, muscular, blue eyes, long red hair. There was something familiar about him even though I knew I had never met him before. We struck up a conversation and I found out why I felt like I knew him. His name was Bill - Bill Weasley. He was Ron’s oldest brother. Small world! I asked about Ron. He and Hermione were recently married. I told Bill to say hi for me and give them my congratulations. It was very difficult to do, but I resisted the temptation to ask him about the wedding, more specifically the wedding guests. I refused to go there. We talked about other things. He worked for Gringotts in London. I liked him well enough; Bill was easy-going, had a good sense of humor and was pretty much laid back. We agreed to see one another again. He kissed me on our third date. We made love for the first time on our fifth. How would I describe it? Spectacularly ordinary. I wanted to enjoy it and I did, somewhat. I tried very hard not to compare him to Harry. I remember thinking to myself over and over, ‘Don’t think about Harry, don’t think about Harry’. This proved to be an impossible task. I couldn’t help myself. With Bill, there was no spark, no heat, no passion. We saw each other for about six weeks and during the whole time I attempted to create something more between us, but it was no good. I couldn’t do it. I broke things off with him. Poor Bill, he tried really hard but it was all down to me. 

I tried a few more times with a couple of very nice wizards but it was useless. They left me feeling the same way Bill had done – empty, unfulfilled, lonely. Susan told me I had to keep trying if I was ever going to get over this mystery man of mine. How could I? I knew no man could ever measure up. What had I done to myself? I had set myself up for failure. How was I ever to let go of him? Damn you Harry Potter! Damn myself for loving him! 

Susan and I went on holiday together during the summer break. We did have a marvelous time. We decided to pull out all the stops and booked ourselves a tour of Europe. We stayed in the finest Wizarding hotels money could buy. It was great. I came back to Hogwarts refreshed and ready to begin a new year. Little did I know what was coming! 

On August 31, 2000, we had our first staff meeting of the term. Albus announced that once again we were to have a new Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher. What else? We had had a new one every year since I had been at Hogwarts. There is a rumor amongst the students that the position is cursed, hence no one stays for more than a year. I don’t know if this is true or not, but it sure seems like it is. There is also a rumor that Severus wants the job. Heaven knows why Dumbledore doesn’t give it to him. This new person was unavoidably detained and would arrive only the following day. I didn’t think much about it at the time.

The next day, Susan and I made our way to the Great Hall for the usual opening day festivities. We took up our spots and waited for the first years to arrive. I was anxious for everything to get under way when the doors opened. I looked over and saw that a dark haired man was racing up to the head table. This must be the new chap, I thought. As he drew nearer, my heart suddenly seemed to stop beating. My whole body began to tremble as I realized who it was – Harry! 

Albus greeted him with a big hug and a huge grin. ‘Welcome, Professor Potter,’ he said. 

Harry returned the hug and said thank you. He greeted his old acquaintances – Minerva, Hagrid, Severus, and Poppy and introduced himself to Susan. Then there was me, sitting there, white as Nearly Headless Nick, totally and completely stunned. I felt like the wind had been knocked out of me. Our eyes met. Harry came over, took my hand, and kissed me on the cheek saying, ‘Claire, so nice to see you again.’ I was speechless. I could see Susan staring at me. I knew that the pieces of the puzzle just fell into place for her. Harry took his seat next to Albus and the Sorting Ceremony began. 

I did not hear one word of it. I did not hear one word of Albus’ speech. Time had frozen; my mind had stopped. All I could think about was getting the hell out of there. Here was the man I had longed to see for so long and all I wanted to do was leave. I suppose it was the shock of seeing him like that, in front of the whole school. I have often wondered what my reaction would have been if I had seen him just as suddenly but in private. 

I barely ate a thing. I only pushed the food around on my plate to give the appearance that I was eating. I could feel eyes burning upon me: Susan’s – desperate to hear the story I had avoided telling her for so long; Harry’s – well, his I had no idea about.

After what had seemed like an eternity, Albus finally dismissed the students. This was my cue to go, and that I did. I flew out of the Great Hall like a bat out of hell. I could hear Susan calling after me to wait up, but I paid her no mind. I ran all the way back to my quarters and slammed the door behind me.

How did I feel at that moment? Shocked, angry, terrified, numb… As I had suspected that Albus knew of my feelings for Harry, how could he not have warned me of his arrival? It could not have been a worse place for me to find out – in front of the whole school. Perhaps he thought that it was the perfect place since I would be unable to react as I might have otherwise done. I was angry with Harry as well. He, too, could have given me some notice. I was a victim of a conspiracy, or so I thought.

Oh Merlin, I was so terrified! I was afraid of what he would tell me; I couldn’t bear to hear him tell me all over again what he had written me. I was afraid he would tell me he had found someone else. I was more afraid than ever that I would fall for him all over again, even though I knew he didn’t want me. I was certain that I wasn’t strong enough to stand up to him. I knew that my heart was still his and always would be. 

I was numb, feeling completely overwhelmed by my emotions. How was I going to face him? I remember that I cursed him for ever returning to Hogwarts. Why did he have to come here I asked myself over and over. 

There was a knock at my door. My heart stopped. What if it was him? I very timidly asked who it was – it was Susan. She wanted to now if I was okay but mostly she wanted in. I hesitated briefly and then opened the door. I told her that I wasn’t okay, that I wasn’t sure if I would ever be again. 

She gave me a hug and I began to cry. She said, ‘It’s him, isn’t it?’

I finally confessed my secret to her, the one that I had been so desperately trying to hide from her all this time. I told her the whole story. It some ways it felt good to finally tell someone what I had been through. I was a little afraid that she would judge me, tell me I was foolish for having reacted so. I guess Susan was a true friend, because she didn’t pass judgment on me; she listened.

She asked what I was going to do. I couldn’t answer that since I had no clue what to do. I remember telling her that I would just have to try to cope the best I could. She gave me some advice – face up to him and my fears; talk to him she said. Easier said than done! I told her I didn’t know if I was ready for that. She said I’d do it when the time was right. Whew! What I night! I hugged Susan and thanked her for listening and for being such a good friend. I made her swear that she wouldn’t breathe a word of what I had told her to anyone, especially Harry. 

She left and needless to say I didn’t get much sleep that night. My life had taken a most unexpected turn. I wondered how it was possible to be terrified of someone that I loved so desperately and wanted so much to be with. Yes, terror was a good description of how I was feeling that night. 

Goodness, I never thought writing this all down would be so difficult! I am sitting here and suddenly I feel emotionally drained, almost to the point of exhaustion. The hour is quite late, so I think I shall bid you good night, dear Diary. I promise to pick up my quill again tomorrow. Now, all I want to do is go to bed, snuggle up with my darling Harry and have a peaceful night’s sleep.


	10. Chapter 10

  
Author's notes: Claire Beckwith is the youngest person ever to teach at Hogwarts. She gets more than she bargained for when she develops certain feelings for one of the students. Come peek into her personal diary. 7th year.  
COMPLETE.  


* * *

Disclaimer: I don’t own any of the Harry Potter characters and places. They belong to J.K. Rowling and Warner Brothers, and a few others I won’t mention. I have just borrowed a few things for a little while. 

A/N: Just so you know, in case you don’t like such things, this last and final chapter contains sexual content. You have been warned.

November 12  
Here I am again, dear Diary, just as I promised, to continue my tale… 

September 2, 2000: The following day I was in a daze - from lack of sleep and well, because of him. We saw each other several times throughout the day; in the Great Hall for meals, in the corridor and then later in the staff room. His attitude was surprising. He was strangely calm, as if nothing had happened between us. He didn’t seem to be ill at ease being around me. Merlin knows I was, but I was trying with all my might not to let it show. Every time I saw him, it felt like there was a volcano in the pit of my stomach just waiting to erupt. Susan was quietly observing us both. I think she was waiting for that eruption just as much as I. 

The week went by, with the same scenarios repeating themselves on a daily basis. We spoke little, always in the context of a larger conversation between colleagues. Susan was often the leader in these discussions and I often suspected her of trying to stir the cauldron a little bit. She was being very subtle about it, so I couldn’t be angry with her. I knew she had my best interests at heart. 

It was stronger than me; there was no way I could resist. Whenever I knew that he wasn’t looking, I had to look at him. He had changed little in appearance. He was perhaps a little more filled out and somewhat broader in the shoulders; his face a little more mature. He no longer wore his glasses so his eyes were even more striking. The greatest change I noticed was in his demeanor. Gone was the sometimes shy, unsure adolescent and in his place was a young man who seemed confident, out-going and happy. Harry seemed to be at peace. I was pleased for him. I often felt little stirrings in my heart and elsewhere; I moved quickly to squash them. 

Friday night of that first week began as usual – me in my rooms, laying low. A knock came at my door. Thinking it was probably Susan, coming to drag me out into the world, I opened it. I gasped. It was Harry! I stood there, unable to speak. I had figured since he hadn’t come to see me straight away that Harry wouldn’t come at all. I had been oh so wrong. I think he realized that he had shocked me yet again, so he asked if he could come in. I stood aside so he could pass. My mind was racing – what was I going to say to him? Part of me wanted to give him hell, perhaps even curse him, for hurting me so badly, for leaving me behind, for not loving me. But there was a teeny, tiny little microscopic spot in my heart that thrilled to see him standing before me. I pushed aside the thoughts of the first time he had come knocking at my door. I remember thinking ‘don’t even go there!’

I finally found my voice. I told Harry that I had been expecting him before this and had thought that he wouldn’t come at all. His visit had surprised me to say the least. He said he was sorry and that seeing me again had been more difficult that he had thought. He said he had been struggling with himself all week, trying to figure out what he was going to say. He stopped. We stood there looking uncomfortably at one another for what seemed an eternity but in actual fact it was not even for a minute. I said, ‘Well, what was it you decided you were going to say, Harry?’ He cleared his throat and began to speak, ‘I need to tell you where I have been all this time, Claire. I have to make you understand why I left. Can we sit down?’ And we did just that, we sat and I listened to him for hours. He had been traveling the world in the time he had been away from Hogwarts. He told me of all the places he had been and of all the fascinating and strange people he had met. At first, it had been difficult for him. Everyone was most anxious to meet the ‘Boy who Not only Lived, but Saved the World’. Harry, after all, had become the most famous wizard of our time and celebrity is not without its drawbacks. Harry told me that he soon became keenly aware of what that celebrity meant. He had to be very, very careful of the people he met. He learned quickly how to weed out the ‘hangers on’ from those who truly cared about him. 

I found myself completely enthralled with his adventures. Merlin, I was jealous of his travels! He had been what seemed like everywhere in the world and had seen everything there was to see. My meager travels seemed very insignificant. I had seen nothing compared to him. Soon, I found myself at ease with him, my anger waning. I felt I should try to maintain it, after all, he had hurt me terribly, but I found I could not. I was slipping down that slope I had so greatly feared. I was falling under his spell anew. 

He regaled me with tales of the people he had encountered – Witches, Wizards, Vampires, Werewolves, Goblins, and even Muggles. He said he now counted himself very fortunate that he had so many friends, all of different backgrounds and in so many places. As if he had read my mind, he said yes, he had taken many lovers. I felt myself squirm, although I knew that he had done so. What else would a healthy young man do – remain celibate? It seemed he had worked his way around the world of pleasure as well. Thankfully, he did not go into too many details. I suspect he felt my uneasiness. I was more than grateful. 

Harry then asked me the question I had been dreading – how had I been and how was I now? I didn’t want to reveal completely how I had been after he left nor did I want to laugh it off as if it had been nothing. I chose a middle ground. I told him how hurt I had been at his departure, adding it had taken me a very long time to come to terms with it. I told him I, too, had taken lovers, but nothing had ever worked out. I never told him why my relationships had ultimately failed. He inquired if I was happy. That was a tough one to answer. I replied that on some levels I was, for example my work, my friendship with Susan but that no, I wasn’t really. This was the first question that I had answered truthfully. He shook his head knowingly. 

I asked the same question to him. His answer was different from my own – he was quite happy, not 100%, but pretty close. I then asked him if he had found himself again, as he had said he wanted to do in his letter. He replied that yes, he had. He had found Harry Potter and had discovered who he was and what he wanted. ‘Are you a peace now Harry?’ I asked. ‘Almost, Claire,’ he said, ‘almost.’ I replied that I was happy for him. His next words have stuck with me. ‘My trip was one of discovery, Claire, discovery of our world, yes, but more so of myself. I searched long and hard but I finally found what it was that I needed to be happy. Of all the places I have seen, I wanted to be in the one where I had been the most happy; the place where I first had been happy - here at Hogwarts. I knew that I had a lot to offer, so that is why I accepted Dumbledore’s offer to teach. It was the perfect opportunity for me to come home, Claire.’ 

I had always known that Harry would make an excellent teacher, and I told him as such. ‘I’m glad you were able to find your happiness, Harry,’ I said somewhat wistfully. At least one of us had found satisfaction.

Harry continued, ’There’s more, Claire. I told you a few moments ago that I was not quite 100% happy and that I was almost at peace. I have also discovered what it will take for me to fulfill those two dreams. I have had many lovers, but I never actually loved any of them. A couple of times, I thought that I might be in love, but it never happened. Things were good between us, but somehow there always seemed to be something missing. I felt great affection for them, but never love. Can I share a secret with you?’ I nodded. 

‘I never fell in love with anyone because I always compared them to you, Claire. None of them could ever measure up,’ he whispered. 

I began to tremble. Could I have heard correctly? Did Harry just say that he had compared his lovers to me, the same thing I had been doing? I sat there, stunned and speechless, with my hand over my mouth, waiting for him to continue. 

‘I wasn’t going to share this with you tonight, thinking it would be better to gradually ease into it, but I can not continue this charade I have been playing. I know how much I hurt you, and I am so very, very sorry that I did. I hope you see now why I had to leave. I hope you understand. In the letter I wrote you, I said I wasn’t sure of my feelings for you but I am now. I never fell in love with anyone because it is you that I love, Claire. It took me awhile to realize it, but now I know this is the truth. I will understand if you can’t forgive me or if you don’t love me anymore, but I…I am hoping you still do. Do you Claire?’

Tears began to trickle down my cheeks. All of the emotions I had been feeling for so long suddenly welled up and caught in my throat. I felt like I would choke. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing! I remember asking myself, ’Is this a dream?’ I also recall thinking, ‘Dear Merlin, if this is a dream, please don’t let me ever wake up.’ But it wasn’t a dream; it was very, very real. Harry was sitting across from me; how do I describe the look in his eyes at that moment – expectant, hopeful, but tinged with apprehension. He had just declared his love for me and was asking if I still loved him! Did I still love him? I could barely breathe, let alone speak. All I could do was nod my head – yes! YES! YESSS!

He gazed at me, his eyes starting to shine brightly, ‘You still do? Really?’ 

I finally came to my senses and was able to say, ‘Really. I love you, Harry. I never stopped loving you.’

Harry stood and took my hand in his. He pulled me up and into his arms. We held onto one another so tightly, neither one of saying a word. It was almost as if we were afraid we would lose one another again if we dared to let go for even the merest fraction of a second. In his strong arms I felt safe, protected, at peace. Such emotion bubbled up inside of me; I don’t think I could ever describe it accurately. It was all-encompassing, surrounding my body with warmth, reaching the deepest corners of my soul. All I knew I was happy, dear Merlin, I was happy at last! 

Harry was the first to pull away from our embrace. He took my face gently in his hands and kissed me, marvelously, deliciously, teasingly. Have you ever had the feeling that what was happening to you wasn’t real; that it was an illusion? That was exactly how I felt at that moment. It was as if I was standing on the edge of a dream watching, waiting for it to unfold. The sensation of Harry’s body pressed closely to my own brought me back to reality. Our kisses had progressed quickly; they were now more desperate, needier, breathless. Hands that had been gentle took what they wanted, not waiting for permission to be given. Harry’s expert fingers worked their way down my back, where they stopped to squeeze my ass, and then back up to capture my breasts. My hands were exploring him as well. He had indeed filled out, much to my great satisfaction. I marveled at the broadness of his shoulders and the strength of his well-muscled arms. I let my hand trail slowly down his stomach to firmly grab his crotch. My finger traced his length and caressed its head through his jeans. Harry moaned loudly and then pulled me down to the floor. I lay down and he straddled me on all fours. He leaned forward and began to kiss me while I tried my best to undress him. This was getting to be too much for me; I needed him right then and there and I told him so.

Harry leaned back, sitting astride my hips. Merlin, he looked so hot with his tousled hair, open shirt and unbuckled belt! Harry smirked down at me and began to undo my shirt. Why did I have to wear a blouse with so many freaking buttons? It seemed to be taking forever so Harry finally said, ‘Screw this, where’s my wand?’ He retrieved it from under the table where it had rolled and quickly muttered a spell. Once we were both naked he said, ‘Much better.’ He moved forward and lay down on top of me, kissing me deeply all the while working his legs over mine so that he was now between them. His lips left mine and moved slowly downward, stopping here and there to suck and nibble, driving me closer and closer to the edge. Suddenly, I felt no more. I pushed myself up onto my elbows so that I could see what Harry was doing. He was completely still with his eyes closed; he was inhaling deeply. Such a simple action, but it was one of the most erotic things I had ever seen! It made me feel so desired and so sexy. I watched in fascination as suddenly his pink tongue darted out and tickled me ever so quickly. He was then upon me, sucking and teasing, his tongue making the most delicious swirling motion. Sweet Merlin! It was incredible! I could not remain silent. I didn’t know I was capable of such sounds. It wasn’t long before I was begging, pleading with him, ‘Harry, please. Please I need you now!’ He withdrew, leaned down to kiss me (I could taste myself on his lips!) and then moved back, positioned himself and entered me in one swift movement. ‘Yes’ came from both of us. After a brief respite, Harry began to thrust quickly but deeply.

Although there was the sensation of great urgency in our love-making, there was also an overwhelming feeling of correctness or rightness (I’m not really sure of the appropriate word; there must be another one that is more fitting, but I can’t think of it) – this was how things were supposed to be. We were exactly where we should be, in each others’ arms, together, lovers, making love. 

As I was a fraction of a second from my climax, I felt the most curious sensation; one that I had never felt before. How can I describe it? It felt as if an unseen force moved through me, making me hyper-aware of Harry, myself and our joining. As I came crying out Harry’s name, it peaked as well. I felt as if every nerve in my body was tingling. Harry moaned loudly as he came and then collapsed on top of me, spent and panting. He whispered, ‘I love you, Claire.’ I responded in kind.

Harry slipped beside me and we lay there silently and contentedly. Sometimes words are not necessary. It was enough that we were together. As I lay there, I thought how wonderful it had been, even better than the first time. How could that be possible? This time, the desire had been just as strong, but there was love behind it and this love was from both partners.

The floor is not the most comfortable place, so I suggested that we move to my bed. We snuggled in together and I asked Harry if he had felt anything strange while we were making love. He replied, ‘You mean a weird kind of energy?’ I answered, yes, that was it and I inquired if Harry knew what it was. He laughed and looked at me and said, ‘You mean you don’t know what that was, Claire?’ I shook my head. ‘That was our magic auras joining together. It happens sometimes when two people are meant to be together. We are in sync with one another now. I guess this proves I did the right thing by coming here, don’t you think, love.’ 

That was the first time Harry ever called me ‘love’. I adored the sound of it. I decided to tease him a little. I told him that if he would recall, I knew that we were meant to be together a long time ago. It wasn’t my fault that it took so long. Harry blushed just a little, grinned and said ‘Touché.’ He pulled me closer and held me tightly.

We made love so many times that night, I can’t even remember how many. All I recall is that it was bloody amazing each and every time. A repeat performance of what we did in the chair in the Room of Requirement stands out as particularly memorable. 

When at last we were exhausted, Harry and I climbed under the covers together and settled in; Harry spooned against my back, his arms around me. I had one last thing to say before we drifted off. 

I whispered, ‘Harry?’ 

‘Yes, Claire?’ 

‘Welcome home. I love you, Harry.’ 

He kissed my shoulder and gave me a squeeze. ‘I’m glad to be home. I love you too, Claire.’ 

For the first time in so long, I slept well that night. No dreams haunted me; no specters of the past roused me from my slumber. The best part came the next morning. I awoke with a smile on my face as I reached over and HE was still there. Harry was still in my bed. He remains there to this day. We have not been apart since. Every morning I awake with that smile, for every morning I awake to find Harry beside me.

As I said, we have been together since that fateful day. Harry moved into my quarters immediately. We both felt that since we had missed so much time together, there was no sense in delaying the inevitable. Albus was, of course, very pleased, as was everyone else on the staff. We were married on June 21, 2001, before the whole school. It was a lovely ceremony, with Albus having the honor of conducting the service. Ron was Harry’s Best Man, of course, just as Susan was my Maid of Honor. It was a wonderful day; more wonderful than I had ever dared imagine. It was on that day that Hogwarts acquired a second ‘Professor Potter.’ Professor Claire Potter – it has a nice ring to it, don’t you think? 

And now, dear Diary, you know the whole story of how Harry and I FINALLY got together. Thanks for always being there for me! 

P.S.  
I should mention that Hermione was very pregnant at our wedding and gave birth about a month later to her and Ron’s first child – Jonathan Arthur Weasley. Little Jonathan is our godson, and is just adorable. He has red hair just like a true Weasley. 

Here Harry and I are now, awaiting our first, too. I forgot to tell you, dear Diary, that Harry was just as thrilled as I was to learn that we will have a son. He had tears in his eyes as he bent down to caress my stomach after I shared the news with him. 

He kissed ‘The Bump’ (as we like to call my belly now) and began to speak softly, ‘Hey James, it’s your daddy here. I can’t wait to meet you son.’ You know that I had tears in my eyes as well. Five more months to go – it seems like such a long time to wait. I am anxious to meet you too, James. Life is wonderful! 

Albus said to me a long time ago, ‘Don’t worry, Claire. Everything will work out for the best.’ It seems he was right after all. 

The End

Has anyone been reading this? I'd love to hear your comments if you have. Thanks.


End file.
